


Ob und wann wir wieder aufstehen (die Unterscheidung ist wichtig)

by Unknown



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Training Corps Shenanigans, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Discussion of Abortion, Erwin lies a lot and doesn't tell people shit until the end, Established Levi/Erwin Smith, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Levi is a loyal hoe, M/M, Mpreg, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Overzealous Hange Zoe, Please Forgive me, Titans, Top Erwin Smith, Weird Biology, also i love connie don't get me wrong my son is great, also the kids lowkey know there's something going on between erwin and levi, and i don't wanna be a responsible adult because i needa break, but he does lose his cool, but he's a lil bit unobservant so, don't even tell me otherwise, i'm kinda trash but i also have too much time on my hands, jean kirstein and armin arlert bromance, or at least jean armin and mikasa do, pregnant levi ackerman, so the usual, they just wanna support their captain ok, they would be aggressively supporting each other and eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-05-29 13:36:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 38,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15074285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unknown/pseuds/Unknown
Summary: "Hange, I'm going to need you to be a little less excited about what's going on and a bit more helpful," Levi grits out, trying not to lose his cool. As it is, he wishes Petra was here as his backup. Hell, even Oluo would do at a time like this. But all he has are those 104th brats that he grudgingly likes enough to get on with. And he doesn't want to get them involved in this until he's absolutely sure that Hange isn't getting ahead of themself. "So, say it to me one more time, like I'm Nile. What's wrong with me?""Let's just say you're in a ... delicate situation," Hange says with a gleam in their eyes. Levi sort of wants to run."I thought that's what you said," Levi responds. "And you don't have to explain, I understand what you mean," he butts in before Hange can go on with it. "Just - let me think.""Aye-aye, captain," they respond. But they're still too excited. "If I could get another blood sample-""Don't touch me or my kid with another needle, you vampiric little pest."





	1. If And When

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in an AU season 2 because... uh. Look. I don't know. I just can't make cannon-season 2 fit in with the trash that I wanna do. Don't take this too seriously, because I am well aware that this is trash. Just... mpreg is my weakness because it seems to make cismen uncomfortable and bewildered, and as a transman, I'm like, 'that's literally how a lot of us feel if we have a pregnancy risk. welcome to my world.' I'm... only a little bitter. Also there's uh a level of uh kink to it. Leave me alone. 
> 
> Okay. There's a lot of bullshit science in this, and it's all the titans' faults, and this is not manga compliant. It's barely anime compliant. Lots of lil ships with the 104th going on in the background. Levi is like their really patient, barely facially-emotive dad, and Hange is like their whiskey uncle/vodka aunt all in one. I love them. Erwin doesn't tell anyone what the fuck is going on and Levi is usually chill with that but then he snaps. And I love Connie but I need a resident idiot that's not out to kill themselves or in a romantic tangle. I'm sorry if people seem ooc, but this is what I got. This may be the only long thing my trashy ass ever writes for the SNK fandom and I can only pray that no one who knows me irl finds this and connects it to me. Because I have no excuse but boredom and an old word document I found from like, 3 or 4 years ago. 
> 
> Written entirely to anime soundtracks, the German bands Faber and Von Wegen Lisbeth, and mostly the SNK OSTs from S1 and S2. Imagine my surprise when I was listening to Counter-Attack Mankind and So Ist Es Immer starts playing in the first two minutes. Just fuck me up why don't you. 
> 
> Also! I do German, and the title translates to "If and When We Rise Again (The Distinction Matters)". It's a joke (or a pun? idk) because there are like three different 'if's and 'when's you can use in German and I chose the conditional yes/no for if and the 'accurate timing' when. I thought it was appropriate. Sue me. Also, it's in lowercase except for the first letter of the sentence and the noun because that's how German grammar be my friends.

“If that thing throws up on me while I’m killing its friends, I swear to whatever is out there, I’ll kill them all and then skin myself alive,” Levi says in distaste, eyeing the swollen-bellied titan that’s trotting around like a drunken toddler. Its gut juts out and wiggles just a bit _too_ much to just be dead human waste balling up in the juices of its inner chambers. But Levi hasn’t ever heard of anything coming out a titan that was dangerous to them, so he’s not too worried. Though he really will attempt the self-skinning if he gets caught in the upheaval; or at least, he’ll be scrubbing with his _and_ Erwin’s soaps and sponges until his skin is red and raw.

“Easy Captain,” Erwin says beside him. Levi swears there’s a hint of a smile around that bastard’s mouth. “Complaining doesn’t suit you.” He’s gone in an instant, after the titan in question. Levi, as always, follows.

It’s their first excursion into titan-claimed territory in the walls since they captured Annie. At present, Hange is in the dungeons, trying to figure out how to get the girl out. Levi has his doubts, though; it’s not like their blades have been able to get through that shit before. He has no idea what Hange is using now, but maybe once he gets back, they’ll have a better idea of how to get into that cradle of diamond or whatever the fuck it is.

He can just imagine Hange ordering Moblit to round up as much diamond as possible to experiment on. He’s sure the fat-asses in the Capitol won’t be happy about that. It’s enough for him to briefly smirk as he goes flying through the air, blades out and ready to go. From a tree nearby, Jean and Armin catch a glimpse of his face as he goes. They share a look, Jean’s afraid and Armin’s resigned.

“Doesn’t that creep you out? He _was_ just smiling right?” Jean says shaking his head and getting ready to fly in at a moment’s notice.

“Maybe Commander Smith said something to him,” Armin suggests. Jean makes a face, sticking out his tongue and shaking his head.

“Ew, no, don’t say that,” Jean moans. “I think that’s worse.”

“Wait, no – I didn’t mean like _that_ ,” Armin protests. Down towards their right, Nanaba signals them to come help her yank down the 5-meter titan she has in her clutches and they go off swinging, Armin’s face bright red and Jean looking a bit green. But they do their jobs.

Levi catches sight of them going and takes in their faces as he swings around to slice at the big-bellied titan’s ankles. He wonders what that was about but shrugs it off. Those two are currently not his concern. What he’s more focused on is the warm pleasure in his gut at being able to take down a 15-meter titan with Erwin. It’s been a while, too long really, since they got in a kill together. Fighting with Erwin is like breathing, like a reflex that Levi didn’t know he had until he met the man and they went at it. He flies between the thing’s legs and slices as he tries not to smirk again. Going at it with Erwin in another sense seemed to be like a reflex too.

He pops out at the top of the titan’s back and sees Erwin swing his blades around and slice at the weak spot. His arcs are lovely and deep, not as neat as Levi’s own, but they don’t need to be. They do the job, and they do it well. The damn thing spins on the way down, shrieking as it dies, and Levi flings himself out of the way. Around them, the others seem to have handled the rest of the infestation. Sure, they lost people, but they always do, and Levi lets out a shaky breath and knows he’ll be lying beside Erwin tonight, trying not think of anything but the man’s large hand rubbing circles into his back.

On the ground, Levi looks over to where Erwin is standing by the fallen titan’s still-protruding belly. He looks contemplative, as though he’s trying to figure out what could possibly be causing the lump. Levi lands beside him, a few strands of Erwin’s hair ruffling at the intrusive displacement of air.

“Stop staring and drop it. It’s not like the answer’s going to just jump out at you,” Levi says, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He feels, rather than sees, the side-eye that Erwin shoots his way. But Levi is focused on the lump as well. There is something off about the shape. It isn’t as circular as the lumps of human waste they usually see dotting the places titans seemed to haunt. It looks spiraled, like something curled up on its side. It’s actually a bit disturbing. “I’m sure we have better things to do than stare, Commander,” Levi starts.

But then, the answer is actually jumping out at them. The lump quivers and for one terrifying moment, Levi thinks this is how he’s going to go out. But then, a fleshy, titanic arm is bursting out the damn thing, and they’re sprayed with blood, guts, human parts, and some type of fluid that is none of the above and doesn’t seem to be from the host titan but rather it’s parasite. Levi yanks Erwin back by the cape and launches them out of there. They skid and crash under a tree several meters away, but Erwin is already yelling for cadets to get out of the way as the natal-titan claws and screams its way into the world.

Levi still has his heart in his throat when he takes it down with Mikasa.

Erwin had been far too close to that thing. In the blink of an eye, if Levi’s instincts and reflexes weren’t as sharp as they were, Erwin would have been gone. They both would have been. He tries not to think of it, even as he’s dripping with _something_ that one of the brats is collecting off him and Erwin to show to Hange. He’s never seen a titan burst out of another, but Armin is looking at the thing with a hint of fear and recognition, so he’s going to have to pry eventually. But for now, he lets the kid take the samples and starts shedding his soiled gear. They’re starting to ride back into the safety of the walls, so Levi doesn’t care that he’s topless, with his fair skin exposed to the sun and bruises from his 3DMG darkening his torso. If that crap saturates his skin any longer, he’s going to lose his mind.

“I see your skin is still intact, Captain,” Erwin comments. Levi grunts. Really, he doesn’t think it’s the time to be making jokes or sly comments about whatever they had just been sprayed with.

“For now. Fucking swallowed some,” he swears, spitting to the side to rid his mouth of the horrid taste. What the fuck is this shit? Beside him, Erwin is riding with composure, even as the crap dries and stiffens his clothes.

“I did as well,” he responds, a fleeting look of distaste flashing across his features. He fumbles around by his rucksack and then tosses a canteen to Levi. “Pixis gave that to me as a parting gift before we left, so it’s probably not water.” Now he grins, quick so no one but Levi catches him, and with too many teeth. “But it sure got the taste out of my mouth.”

Levi snorts and throws back some of the ghastly liquid, a line of fire down his throat as it goes. But it does kill the flavor of whatever-the-fuck that crap was, and for that, at least, he’s thankful. He hands the canteen back with a nod of thanks, knowing he didn’t imagine the brief lingering of Erwin’s fingers on his as he passed it back. Well damn, looks like the Commander was worried about little old him. Never mind the wallowing in silence tonight, Levi thinks. He’s getting thoroughly wrecked, by the looks of things. That, he can deal with.

Though, the looks and whispers he’s getting from the younger cadets is something he doesn’t think he has the patience to deal with. With a sigh and a jerk of his head to Erwin, Levi slows down to land right in the middle of the former 104th cadet squad where they’ve been loitering together for comfort and casting furtive glances at him. He ends up between Yaeger and Springer, and calls on all of his remaining strength to keep his patience up. They didn’t call him Humanity’s Strongest for nothing.

“Is there something I can help you kids with?” he says in his base monotone. He looks at Eren first, just because the kid has got some seriously hysterical faces, and isn’t disappointed by the look of abject horror on his face. He flicks his eyes over to Connie, but the kid just looks a bit constipated. On the cart next to them, Armin and Jean are sharing twin looks of ‘oh shit’. Well, at least those two have some common sense between the two of them, because they keep their mouths shut and clap their hands over Sasha’s mouth before she can explain whatever it was they were all muttering back here. Honestly, Levi doesn’t want to know, he just wants to fuck with them and maybe get them to stop staring.

Behind them, he can feel Reiner and the tall one (Bernhard? Something like that) glancing from him to each other. Ymir isn’t paying attention, too focused on staring at Krista who’s stuttering something irrelevant out with rosy cheeks.

“We were just wondering if it’s the safest idea that you’re riding around without a shirt on, Captain,” Mikasa says, coming to literally everyone’s rescue. She’s pulled up on Eren’s other side, between him and the cart. Sasha’s eyes go wide, and she blushes _hard_. Interesting, that. Levi files it away for later. He wonders if it’s Mikasa’s bluntness, his state of undress, or Mikasa herself that has the potato-girl turning red. That’ll be fun to figure out.

“Oh, I see. So, you’re all concerned for my safety, are you?” Jean and Armin nod their heads as though they want them to pop off. Eren is just frozen where he is while Connie clears his throat. Oh, this should be good.

“Well, sir, uh Captain Levi, sir-” He stops.

“Do continue, Springer.”

“You know my name?” the kid blurts, then has the decency to look chagrined.

“Good lord,” Levi mutters under his breath. “Do you have anything to say, Springer?”

“We just wondered what would happen if we got attacked and you got sliced by a titan, sir!” the kid says, salute and all, even on horse-back. He almost goes flying off but drops the salute a moment before he would have faceplanted off. Levi files the look on Connie’s face and the shriek Eren gives away for later. If he’s ever feeling down, that should brighten him right up.

“I suppose that if I was slow enough to get caught, I would deserve getting my skin ripped to shreds, wouldn’t I?” he muses. There are looks of shock, and maybe a bit of fear, all around. Even Mikasa is looking at him in distaste.

But then she shrugs, looks forward and says, “I would think so, Captain.”

“Mikasa!” Eren gasps. Jean cringes, but Levi is still trying to figure out if it’s because of Mikasa’s comment or Eren’s. Levi’s sort of lost track of who Jean is making eyes at these days. It definitely was Mikasa, but after the whole forest-of-death _trap_ thing, Jean’s eyes have been straying more and more often toward Eren.

“Just stop staring so obviously, you runts,” Levi says and then spurs his horse forward and away from the ashen faces of Connie and Eren. And to think, Suicidal Idiot and Cue-Ball were actually pretty good at this whole scouting thing.

He pulls up beside Erwin again, and settles his horse into a brisk trot with the others. Erwin doesn’t look at him and Levi doesn’t either, but he can tell there’s a gleam of amusement in Erwin’s eyes. They ride in silence for a while before either of them finds it prudent to say anything. As it is, the walls are coming into view. They should be back within the hour.

“Good conversation?” Erwin finally asks. Levi wonders how long he’s been stewing on that.

“Eye-opening,” he responds.

“I’m glad,” Erwin says with fondness. Oh, hand touches _and_ fondness all in one day? Levi is going to get _so lucky_ tonight.

* * *

 Or rather, he would, if Hange would just _let them go home._

“If you draw one more vial of blood from me, I’ll be drawing some of my own,” Levi says tightly. Moblit takes three large steps back and goes a few shades paler than he already is. Usually, Levi is pretty gentle with the guy, since he has to put up with Hange and their absolute batshit demands. But right now, Levi can feel the waves of sexual desire wafting from Erwin from out in the hallway, and he really wants to get the fuck out, go back to their private quarters in the Scout barracks, and go at it until his legs are numb.

Was there something in that fluid or has it really been a few months since they fucked? Levi’s willing to bet on the latter.

“Oh, cool it, Captain,” Hange says with their usual goofiness. Honestly, Levi can’t believe he had ever been fooled by that disarming grin. These days, it just puts him on his guard. He loves Hange, don’t get him wrong; but more often than not, they take up all of his patience, more so than the new recruits. “We just want to make sure that whatever dear Armin got me a sample of isn’t going to corrode your and our wonderful Head Commander’s DNA. Or something worse!” They look like they may _want_ it to be something worse. But then, they always do.

“Uh-huh. You’ve got enough to go on,” Levi says, hopping off the metal table they had been using as a pseudo-exam table. He stretches, and the skin over his nipples pulls tightly. Fuck, he’s already getting hot under the collar.

“Alright, fine. But you have to _promise me_ – pretty please with sugar on top – that if _either of you_ feels off in the coming weeks, you need to let me know as soon as possible. Deal?” They drag out the ‘eee’ in the middle of the word, hands clasped before them like a prayer. Levi wishes he wasn’t used to their theatrics. As it is, he just flicks them on the nose as he walks to the door.

“Yeah, sure,” he says in that dismissive tone of his. He feels fine and so does Erwin, which is the whole point right now. They feel fine and randy, and they’ve written their reports and debriefed, so they’re _free_ to do what they will for recreation.

“Alrighty then! Don’t forget to tell the Commander for me!” Hange says, waving him out the door.

“Huh, like he didn’t hear you screeching through the door,” Levi mutters as he walks out. He turns and there’s Erwin, standing in the hall, his nose buried in a file with their reports, checking and double-checking that nothing is amiss. Levi sighs and that gets him a response, Erwin’s head coming up, a smile stretching his face into something beautiful. Levi huffs and looks away, pretending his pulse hasn’t spiked. Damn bastard and his pretty face, brilliant mind, and heart of gold. Maybe he doesn’t go at things the right way all the time, maybe he hides facts and lies through his ass for most things he does, but he’s always right and Levi would rather follow this man into death, than abandon him for life. Because what kind of life was worth living without Erwin Smith in it?

Sometimes, Levi wonders how the fuck Marie did it, actually gave up on her and Erwin, and went with someone like _Nile_. But then, he gets absurdly grateful, because that left Erwin open for him when Levi came around, and he once walked up to Marie at an officer’s dinner and thanked her with no explanation. She had been a bit confused, but she had nodded with a wrinkle in her brow and taken his gratitude without demanding an explanation. Levi can see why Erwin had wanted to be with her.

He shakes thoughts of Marie and Nile away, and focuses on Erwin instead. There’s a hand on the small of his back, and Erwin is leaning down, his lips pressed to the shell of Levi’s ear. There’s no one in the hall, and the lights are dim so that they would have plenty of time to pull away if anyone did start coming around the corner or out from one of the doors lining the passage. Levi stops walking, and so does Erwin.

“Alright then?” he asks, the words practically brushed across Levi’s skin.

“So far so good,” he responds, keeping his breathing even.

“Then I suggest we get dinner,” Erwin continues, his hand slipping to the side to grip Levi’s waist carefully. His thumb kneads the flesh there gently, his fingers lightly pressing. “And then we can turn in for the night. We’ve had a long day of it, haven’t we?”

How the hell does he keep his tone so nonchalant? But then, it’s Erwin. Levi shouldn’t be so surprised. Erwin had propositioned him so discreetly the first time around, about a year or so after Farlan’s and Isabel’s deaths, that Levi had showed up to his quarters just to ask if he had misread the situation and apologize if he had. But then, Erwin had very gently, but firmly, pressed their mouths together and asked Levi if he was alright with this, and Levi hadn’t turned back. Of course, it had been after more than a year of getting to know each other and building up the trust between them, so it was more than physical, and they had already had talks in the past about how to keep their relationship quiet to protect themselves from the scrutiny of the higherups. No, their type of relationship –  whether between men, women, or those that identified as neither or both – isn’t _unheard of_ , per say, but it isn’t as common as Levi knows it could be, especially not in the inner city where society and its rules have whole new meanings.

“I could eat,” Levi responds, eyes flicking toward Erwin. “Have a cup of tea before bed.”

“A cup of tea sounds nice,” Erwin says. His tone is so soft. He must have been shaken from earlier in the day. Levi tries not to show surprise when Erwin actually presses a dry kiss right behind his ear, inhales the scent at the hollow behind it, and then straightens up. Erwin is always careful, but then, so is Levi. That’s the only way they both agreed to staying in a relationship with roles as high and influential as theirs. Not even their close friends know. But this? Erwin must be thoroughly shaken to be enacting public displays of affection, even if there is no public around to speak of. There is still a risk, and it’s a risk Erwin had to see as worthy of taking if he acted on it.

“Are you alright?” Levi says as Erwin walks ahead of him. He keeps pace with the man, walking by his side.

“I’ll be just fine, Captain,” Erwin says, eyes forward.

And Levi notices that he’s using the future tense, that he’s not fine right now. But he will be, and Levi hopes Erwin will let him have a hand in making sure of it.

* * *

 And fuck, he definitely lets Levi have a hand in it. Both hands, actually. Specifically, both hands holding onto the headboard of the bed in an attempt to keep it from slamming into the wall or rattling too much. It’s not that Erwin’s fucking him wildly or particularly rough; he’s just consistent and hasn’t stopped for a break since he slid between Levi’s legs and pressed inside of him. He’s got Levi spread open, his hips canting forward and pumping into him with precision and grace. One hand braces Erwin on the bed as the other jacks Levi off in perfect timing with his thrusts. Levi’s eyes are rolling into his head at this point, and he’s biting his lower lip so hard he can taste blood, just so he doesn’t make noise. Sure, they’re in Erwin’s private rooms at their HQ, but that doesn’t mean much when the barracks are always busy, with soldiers running errands and on watch. A few other high-ranking officers, like Hange and Mike, are on this floor with him and Erwin, so they could still hear if the two of them aren’t careful.

But really, Erwin isn’t making this easy.

“Fuck, you were – ah worried huh?” His words are hushed and breathed against the skin of Erwin’s neck. The skin is damp and soft, and it smells so damn good. He swipes at it with his tongue, pressing against Erwin’s pulse. The man above him whines at the back of his throat, but it’s more a mewl than anything else. They’re both well trained in keeping as quiet as they can in situations such as these.

“Mmm,” Erwin says in response. He adjusts his angle, pulls Levi closer to him by the hips, and continues on. Levi feels hot and tingly all over his damn body, and he knows that look on Erwin’s face. The man it holding himself back with a vengeance, stopping himself from climaxing because he wants Levi to come first, wants to make sure Levi comes in general. So Levi lets himself go lax in Erwin’s grasp and stops holding the headboard. Instead, he wraps his hands around Erwin’s shoulders, fingernails softly digging into his skin, and presses his mouth against Erwin’s. Levi moans against Erwin’s mouth, but then Erwin hits his prostate just right as he twists his hand around Levi’s cock, and Levi gets cut off with his own gasp. He comes hard, so hard he sees spots and his ears ring, and he chokes on his next breath. It’s all Erwin needs to let go himself, and Levi feels the hot rush of cum inside of him as Erwin shudders above him, his forehead against Levi’s. He presses a kiss to Levi’s sweaty forehead and lingers there, just pressing small kisses against his skin.

“You don’t have to do that you know,” Levi mutters. “Wait for me to come first,” he clarifies.

“I know,” Erwin responds, the words mumbled against Levi’s head. “But I like to.” Erwin kisses him again.

“Erwin, we’re both fine,” he whispers into the dark.

“Tell me you weren’t as terrified as I was,” is Erwin’s response. Levi stays quiet, because they both know he can’t say that, not without lying.

Later, they go at it again, and again, and again. Levi’s a squishy mess, and he swears Erwin must be into some weird inflation shit with how much he’s come inside of Levi. That can’t be healthy, can it? He’s going to have to push at least some of it out, but he can do that later. For now, he enjoys the squish and squelch as Erwin maneuvers them into another position and presses into him again, still wet and sticky. He’s sore and has been fucked raw, but it’s still so, so good. They’re both going to be exhausted tomorrow in more ways than one, but Levi knows neither of them will regret it. It’s been too long since they did something like this.

They finish up a while later, Erwin finally sliding out for what seems to be the last time for the night. It’s pitch black outside. Levi rolls onto his back, making a face at the damp stickiness all over their sheets. Erwin gets out of bed and pulls the shades on the window, then lights a few lamps to chase away the dark of the room. When the light illuminates his face, Levi knows Erwin will see his look of disgruntled debauchery. Sure, the sex is great, it always is, but he hates mucking about in the filth of it afterward. But Erwin knows and already is reaching for the spare sheets he keeps in his quarters. Levi almost literally slides out of the bed, stretching as he goes and trying to ignore the steady drip from his ass down the inside of his leg and to the floor. He wipes himself down with a discarded shirt then throws on a pair of under garments and helps Erwin strip and remake the bed with fresh, clean sheets. He can’t wait to lay in them, but first, he cleans himself up at the wash basin, making sure to use enough soap, but to leave Erwin enough water to clean himself as well.

By the time they roll into bed, for actual sleep this time, Levi can feel the exhaustion down to his bones. He’s been terrified, relieved, and well-loved throughout the span of the day. He can go another fucking year without this much excitement, honestly. Well, except for the love-making. _That_ he’ll take any time Erwin is willing to give it.

Beside him, Erwin breathes steadily. Levi can feel the man’s gaze on him in the dark. He rolls over to face him and lifts a hand to cup Erwin’s face. Too much goes on in that brain of his, sometimes. Mostly, it’s helpful, but at times like this, when they’re both so tired and should just be able to rest, Levi knows it gets in the way. It’s hard, he understands, but right now is for them. They need to be able to take this time _for them_ , so they don’t lose their minds.

“Stop thinking for five minutes and I promise you’ll fall right the fuck to sleep,” Levi says, tracing Erwin’s lips with the pad of his thumb. He says it every night and without fail, Erwin eventually finds sleep soon after. Levi wonders if he’s got the man trained or something at this point. As it is, he’s just glad that they’ve been able to consistently share a bed the past few years. It puts both their minds at ease knowing the other is so close by.

“I know,” Erwin says, because he does know. He presses a kiss to Levi’s thumb the next time he swipes it over.

“Then shut your eyes and listen to me breathe, or whatever the hell it is you do,” Levi says.

“What do you think the fluid was that we got sprayed with?” Erwin asks out of the blue, like he usually does when something has been racing through his mind for hours, but he only just now gets the determination and confidence to share.

“Fuck, is that what you’ve been thinking about? I don’t know, Erwin. Titan jizz? Titian embryonic fluid? Titan piss or guts? I don’t care. We washed that off hours ago and Hange has what they need to look into it.” He sticks his tongue out, remembering the taste of the crap in his mouth entirely against his own will. “We’re fine, aren’t we? No sense in worrying about it unless it becomes a problem, right?”

Erwin is silent for a moment too long, and Levi is about to repeat himself when he hears the other man give a soft sigh. He’s been too soft all night and it’s worrying. Levi never wants to scare Erwin like that again. He makes a mental note about it and resolves to keep it at the forefront of his mind the next time they’re out in more dangerous titan territory.

“Right. No sense in worrying about it until it becomes a problem,” Erwin says.

Levi frowns. “I said _unless_ it becomes a problem. Not _until_ it does.”

“Right, right. Of course. Unless it becomes a problem.” In the dark, Levi can just make out Erwin’s tired smile. “I must have just heard you wrong. It’s late. We should sleep.”

Five minutes later, and Erwin’s rumbling snore is filling the room, like thunder in the distance. Levi lies beside him on his back, one of Erwin’s arms thrown around his waist and their hands clasped.

He’s wide awake.

* * *

 Breakfast the next morning is a casual affair. They have nothing on the roster for the newest recruits, so everyone swarms a table away from the older scouts and eats together. Armin sits beside Jean at the table, Connie across and diagonal from them with Mikasa and then Sasha beside _him._ It leaves Mikasa across from Jean and Sasha across from Armin.

Sasha’s stuffing her face and making noises as she eats. Jean looks like he wants to say something, but keeps his mouth shut because Mikasa hasn’t said anything yet. But, Armin thinks, she probably won’t.

“Jeez, Sasha. Wanna be louder?” Connie calls, leaning back in his seat so he can talk around Mikasa between them. Sasha looks at him, face reddening in chagrin. Mikasa shoves him a bit.

“At least it’s not as bad as the noises I heard coming from Commander Smith’s room last night,” she counters with, sipping her stale coffee from a tin cup.

“Wait what? What did you hear?” Connie says, suddenly interested.

“Squeaking, panting, and soft moaning,” Mikasa responds, face blank. Across from her, Jean pulls a face.

“Please, stop. I don’t want to think about the Commander and the Captain doing… that,” he complains.

“What makes you think it was the Captain?” Armin says, trying not to smile around his forkful of eggs.

“What makes you think it was anyone else?” Sasha says, swallowing a mound of eggs on toast. “All you have to do is look at the two of them and you know something is up.”

“Wait, look at the two of who? Which captain are we talking about?” Connie asks, but they all ignore him. If he hasn’t put it together at this point, no one is going to point it out to him.

“How do you know?” Mikasa asks her, turning her stony gaze on the other girl. Sasha’s instincts are amazing though, so Mikasa doesn’t actually doubt her. She’s just… trying, alright? But it’s sudden, and Sasha chokes on her toast, so Mikasa slaps her back until she coughs up the offending piece.

“You disgust me,” Jean sneers, pulling his plate back so nothing gets on it. Armin doesn’t want to repeat it and be mean, but right now, he agrees with Jean. He gives the boy a look and nods. Jean smirks.

“I’m – hurk – so sorry!” Sasha squeaks to Mikasa. “But you saved me! You – mph!” Mikasa shoves her own fork with breakfast potato on it into Sasha’s mouth and the other girl swallows as her eyes go wide and her cheeks glow red. Armin would laugh, but he’s wondering if Sasha has figured herself out yet. She seems to have their fearless leaders all sketched out.

“She’s probably right, you know,” Mikasa says, shoving her now-empty fork right back into her mouth to suck on. Connie sticks his tongue out, not following the situation but knowing enough about personal hygiene to think that, that right there? Gross.

“Did you just put that fork back in your mouth after it was in Sash-” Connie starts.

“Look, Eren,” Mikasa cuts him off with. She slides Sasha’s tray down the table a ways, and Armin thinks she might have just made that space for Eren until Mikasa _also_ scoots down so she can stay sitting near Sasha. Sasha must realize the significance too because she smiles, suddenly shy, but stays quiet as Mikasa settles beside her. It leaves Eren the space to her left. Right. In front. Of Jean.

“G’morning,” Eren mumbles, dropping down into the space Mikasa has made for him. Armin greets him back, and so does Connie, who goes back to his food. “What’s up?” Eren asks after sucking down half his weak coffee and choking on his eggs and bread.

“We were just discussing the probability of certain captains in certain commanders’ rooms last night making some suspicious noise,” Mikasa says. Connie looks like he wants to ask again, but when Eren’s face lights up in some sort of understanding, he clams up.

“Whoa, really? Who heard them?” Eren asks.

“Mikasa did!” Sasha says from her end. Eren leans around his foster sister and smiles at Sasha.

“Morning, Sasha.”

“Morning, Eren!”

“Anyway,” Armin says, noticing how quiet Jean has gotten. He’s looking down at his half-full plate and chewing without drawing any attention to himself. Mikasa and Armin share a look, then their eyes flick to an oblivious Eren. Maybe Jean should actually make a move before Eren finally settles on believing Jean hates him. “What do you think?”

“Me?” Eren says, pointing to himself with his fork.

“Well, you did work with the Captain before we did,” Armin points out, because it’s true. “Does he seem the type?”

“The type of what?” Eren asks.

“Jeez, he’s almost as bad as Connie,” Jean mutters around his food.

“Hey!” Connie yelps.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eren snaps. Here they go, Armin thinks. No matter how much it seems Jean may be warming up to Eren, the reality is that they’re both two hot heads cracking their skulls together most of the time.

Though, Armin has to give it to Jean for surprising him this time around.

“I just meant… yeah, maybe you can be clueless sometimes, you know?” Jean says, finally looking up with his jaw set in determination. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not smart. Ok?”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Eren asks, just as Connie beams, “You think I’m smart?”

Mikasa and Armin share a look again as Jean continues, “It means that… you don’t have to turn into a titan all the time for people to think your useful, ok? You’re fine just the way you are too, like yesterday. I saw you and Connie assist Mike in his two kills. You’re good at this, just… you know, just the way you are ok?” Jean says, a lovely shade of red that almost rivals Sasha’s. “What’s so hard to understand about that?” Jean looks away, ending on a growly note. But when Armin looks at Eren, he knows something must have struck a note with his friend. Eren sits there, with a piece of bread halfway to his mouth and eggs dropping from his lips to the plate under them. It’s kind of gross, but also a bit gratifying. Jean looks up to see it, and says, “ _What?”_

“I – I just…” Eren trails off. Suddenly, he shoves the rest of the food on his plate into his mouth and swallows hard, throwing back the rest of his drink to wash it down. “I just remembered I have to go help Commander Hange with something, bye.” His body is a blur as he runs off and out of the mess hall, practically throwing his plate and tray into the wash bin for the cadets on kitchen duty to take care of. Jean watches him go in wide-eyed confusion and then horror. He drops his head to the table and groans.

“What was that all about?” Connie says, scratching his scalp as he sips his more-milk-than-anything-else drink. “Yaeger’s so weird sometimes.”

“He is,” Mikasa says, and Armin can hear the amusement in her voice. So can Sasha, because she chuckles to herself around her stolen, extra slice of bread.

“I hate him,” Jean mutters angrily, though it sounds more like he hates himself.

“No, you don’t,” Armin says, patting his friend’s back. He’s about to suggest that maybe they all scoot together to talk easier, but then Reiner and Bertholdt show up and head toward the empty space Eren’s left.

“What’s up with Kirstein?” Reiner asks as he settles. He rubs the center of Connie’s scalp in greeting, the younger man squirming to get away, but secretly pleased at the brotherly affection and attention.

“He tried to be nice to Eren,” Sasha says in a tone that says she is _way_ too excited to be the one spilling the gossip.

“It’s alright. Give him time to process. Eren’s not used to people being interested in him,” Armin says to a still-moping Jean.

“He’s not wrong,” Mikasa says to Sasha, purposefully including her in the conversation. Maybe she’s caught onto how good a thing having Sasha around _like that_ could be for her, Armin thinks. Maybe she actually just… likes her. Weird.

Bertholdt’s brows wrinkle in confusion, but he stays quiet as Reiner asks, “Where is he, anyway?”

“Eren?” Connie says. He sips at his mug. “Yeah, he ran off. Said he had to help Commander Zoë with something. He looked a bit upset, actually.”

Jean’s head shoots right up from the table, startling everyone but Mikasa. “He did?” Jean says, worry lines marring his face.

“Yeah, kinda,” Connie says, unaware of the affect he’s having on Jean.

“I – uh, maybe I should go check on him. See if I can help with whatever the section commander has him doing, you know?” Jean blabbers as he gets up from the table, tray in hand.

“You do that,” Mikasa says, one eyebrow arched. Jean sees it but chooses to ignore it as he walks off. Once he’s out of earshot, Sasha moves over to Armin’s side. He scoots to Jean’s spot, so she can stay across from Mikasa, who’s looking at her in surprise.

“I can see you better from here!” Sasha says with a grin. Mikasa gives her a soft smile and looks down at her tray before it disappears again. “Anyway, whoo! Those two are a mess.”

“Speak for yourself,” Armin teases, bumping shoulders with her. She gives him a frown, but he can see how hard she’s fighting to keep the corners of her mouth from turning up into a smile.

“About that,” Bertholdt says carefully. “I thought Jean had a thing for… you know?” He nods his head to where Mikasa is sitting right by him on the side not occupied by Reiner. Mikasa shrugs.

“I think he did, honestly,” Armin explains.

“I was wondering about that too,” Reiner admits.

“I don’t really get it,” Connie says, looking to Reiner for sympathy. But he gets none.

“If you don’t get it by now, then there’s no use in explaining it to you,” Reiner says with a shrug as Bertholdt hides a rare laugh. Connie grumbles to himself. “But do you have any theories, Armin?” Reiner continues, back on subject.

“I think…” Armin trails off. He would wonder why everyone is looking to him for answers but one, they usually do that anyway, and two, he’s probably the one who’s gotten closest to Jean. “I think something changed in him, after the attack on the wall. Especially in the forest, with Annie.” Everyone goes quiet, even Sasha and Connie hushing up. “I think he finally started seeing things differently, and he could finally understand where Mikasa, Eren, and I were coming from. Our drive for things. Why she, specifically acted the way she did, around Eren, I mean.”

“And?” Bertholdt asks.

“Well, it’s a bit hard to keep liking someone who holds no more mystery for you, isn’t it?” Armin laughs. He shakes his head. “I think it was more of an infatuation, anyway. But now that he understands Mikasa, he can see Eren the way she does. But that means that he can also feel for Eren the way she does, without the barrier of having been raised with him to put them both off any romantic feelings. And, well, Eren does have nice eyes…” He trails off and Reiner bursts into laughter, Armin following. Mikasa is smirking behind the curtain of her hair, so Sasha is the only one who sees it and snorts with laughter as well in response.

“You’re all weird,” Connie says, pouting a bit.

“Maybe,” Bertholdt admits. Reiner throws an arm around him and pulls him in close, nose brushing through the boy’s hair. “But maybe that’s why we all joined the Scouting Legion, too.”

“I think you’re onto something, _Schatz_ ,” Reiner says, pulling away. His hand drops from Bertholdt’s shoulder to his knee and settles there with a squeeze. Beside him, Armin sees Mikasa’s eyes go wide as Sasha shifts her legs under the table. He bets she’s just hooked her and Mikasa’s ankles together. Connie is blissfully unaware.

“Careful,” Bertholdt murmurs, and Reiner looks a bit deflated, but smiles through it.

“With you? Always,” he responds.

“See?” Connie says. He claps Reiner hard on the back. “Why can’t we all have a fulfilling, close friendship like these two? One day, I’m going to find someone to be that close to, to share my troubles and woes, to have a great burning love between us that even the titans won’t be able to crumble! Think of a friend like that; well done you two! It’s just like Ymir and Krista – the best of friends, just gals being pals, and all that.”

The table falls completely silent. All eyes look to the other side of the mess hall, where the two girls in question are pushed into a quiet corner together. Ymir is feeding Krista bites of food with her own hands, so that Krista’s hands are free to play with Ymir’s hair. She’s talking animatedly by the expressions on her face, and Ymir looks like she’s in heaven just to be on the receiving end of the conversation. They all look back to Connie’s oblivious little face. Did he honestly not realize he had just described what a long-term romantic relationship should consist of?

Sasha looks at Connie as though he’s just fallen from a great height and Mikasa can’t even muster the energy for her usual eyebrow raise of disappointment. Bertholdt looks like he’s struggling to stay mild-mannered in the face of such ignorance, and Reiner is squinting at Connie as though he can’t tell if the kid is being genuine or pulling their legs. He looks to Armin, but Armin shakes his head. This is the real deal. One day, Connie is going to walk in on one of the couples with their faces between the other’s legs, and then maybe he’ll finally get a clue. Until then, they all have to deal with this.

“What?” Connie says. “Did I say something weird?”

“I’m just wondering if you got dropped on the head as a child, that’s all,” Mikasa says bluntly. She stands up from the table. “Sasha. Let’s go sit with the… how did he put it? Gals just being pals.” Coming out of her mouth, the phrase sounds so much worse. Connie looks a bit horrified. “It seems we qualify.”

“Really?” Sasha says, full of excitement.

“You can have the rest of my food,” Mikasa says by way of confirmation. They both stalk off, Mikasa slow and steady, with Sasha practically bouncing beside her. Reiner sighs and starts to go at his food. He frowns.

“Give them to me, you big baby,” Bertholdt says, scooping the few vegetables on Reiner’s plate onto his own. “I still can’t figure out how a big guy like you has all that beefiness while never wanting to eat his vegetables.”

“Easy. It’s because I eat _actual_ beef,” Reiner says mulishly.

“Well, we’ve got a meat shortage, so here, have my beans,” Bertholdt says, sliding most of them onto Reiner’s eggs, just how he knows the other young man likes them. “They have protein in them, too. It should do for now.”

“You’ve always got my back, huh?” Reiner says with immeasurable fondness.

“See, that’s the stuff!” Connie crows.

“Connie, please,” Armin says, rubbing his temples. How the hell had Connie seen that exchange as ‘just two friends’ helping each other out? There’s only so much of this he can take. “Just… go do your chores or something.”

“Oh man, you’re right!” Connie yelps hopping up out of his seat. “I’m on bathroom cleanup today. I totally forgot. Thanks Armin!” He rushes off and the three remaining young men watch him go with tired faces.

“What started all of that, anyway?” Bertholdt asks, going for a sip of tea.

“Mikasa was on patrol last night and heard Captain Ackerman and Commander Smith fucking,” Armin says blandly, sipping his own drink. Bertholdt spits his tea out all over Reiner, who’s holding his gut from laughing so hard.

“How long have you been holding that one in?” Reiner finally chokes out.

“Too long,” Armin responds.

“Is it true?” Bertholdt asks, looking to Reiner with _something_ in his eyes. Reiner’s hand just squeezes his thigh.

“Probably,” Armin responds. “Alright, I’m on laundry duty for the day. Have a nice breakfast, you two.” He gets up and goes, nodding to Mikasa where she’s sharing a quiet conversation with Ymir as Krista and Sasha gush over something out the window.

Honestly, Armin thinks. There’s never a boring day in this place.

* * *

 The first month after the incident, Levi is totally fine. And no, he’s not just saying that now, so he can prove his point later that he had every reason to believe he was going to _stay_ fine. By the end of the second month after though, he’s starting to feel shitty in the mornings. And then comes the one morning at the end of the third month where he sits up in bed, Erwin stirring awake beside him. The morning is so new that the sky is barely glowing with that pre-sunrise blue, and he vomits all over the sheets.

It’s sort of mortifying, actually.

“But we have a meeting with Zackly and the MPs today. If I don’t show up with you, you know Nile is going to have something to say about it,” Levi protests after Erwin has changed the sheets and insists that he take the day off.

“Then Nile can say what he will, and I will inform him, as is my duty, that you are ill,” Erwin responds, fixing his bolo tie in the mirror. Levi flops back onto the bed, arms spread out, and sighs.

“I feel fine now,” he says, because he does. “It’s probably something I picked up training with those squirts.” Though, Levi hadn’t noticed any of the 104th looking peaky or green around the gills. Maybe it had been one of the older squads. Maybe it was Hange.

Fuck. Erwin probably wants him to-

“You should go see Hange,” Erwin says before Levi can even finish his own thought. Levi resists the urge to bury his face in a pillow and groan. At this rate, he’ll just try to smother himself instead.

“I’m fine, Commander,” Levi says, trying not to get huffy with Erwin but finding it increasingly difficult to hold back. He’s usually better at keeping his irritation in check, especially when he knows that Erwin is only being this way because he cares.

“Levi,” Erwin starts. Then he sighs. When he turns around, Levi can see the concern etched in his face. Any fight he had in him dies out. It’s a bit unfair, really.

“I really feel fine, Erwin,” Levi admits as Erwin sits on the edge of the bed. He does feel fine. Maybe he’s got a very small, slight headache at the base of his skull, but besides that, he’s dandy. The headache is probably because he hasn’t had his daily cup of morning tea. He needs that caffeine you know, regardless of how little is actually in there.

“If you start feeling sick or if you throw up again, please. Consider seeing them,” Erwin recommends. It’s always a choice with Erwin though; he has never once forced Levi to do anything he didn’t want to do. Even with his orders, at times, they were phrased as a choice. And with Erwin, Levi has never made a choice that he regrets.

“Alright,” he concedes. This time, he manages to keep the eye-roll in check. “I will.”

“But for today, just… humor me, Captain,” Erwin says with a hint of a smile. “Stay in your civilian clothes and go slow.”

“I refuse to stay in here all day, you know,” Levi says. “In case you were wondering.”

“That’s fine,” Erwin says, getting off the bed. He straightens his coat and then nods to Levi before leaving. But there had still been a line of tension in his shoulders, one that Levi knows he put there. He hates that, but what can he do about it right now?

Levi only stays in bed for another hour or so, dozing on and off. He’s usually not tired like this, but for once, he can actually indulge, so he will. But only for so long. There’s a buzz under his skin that he just can’t place, so he eventually gets out of bed and slips into a loose shirt and his breeches, lacing his civie boots up to his knees. He frowns in the mirror, turning to the side, and eyeing the slight bowing out of his lower abdomen. He hadn’t noticed that. Must mean he needs to hit the training arena a little harder with those kiddos to stay in shape. It wouldn’t do to have Humanity’s Strongest let himself go.

As it is, it’s annoying not to be getting into uniform, but he does stay in his civilian clothes, if only for Erwin’s sake. And though the man told him to take it slow, he never said Levi couldn’t go check on his little adoptive squad. Most of the other squad leaders (minus Hange and Mike) steered away from fresh recruits. Most of them would die soon, anyway. But this bunch, Levi just had a good feeling about them. Well, most of them anyway. And he already had Yaeger on his team, so that just meant the rest of them would want to tag along too.

Lord help him.

When he turns up, it’s mostly just new recruits doing body conditioning. Some of his new squad are in the corner lifting weights. A few of them are stretching and doing yoga. Mikasa and Reiner are sparring while Ymir lifts weights and keeps track of how many hits they each get in on each other. Not bad, he has to admit.

Armin is the first one to catch sight of him, stopping mid-stretch to slap his hand to his chest in a salute. The rest of them catch on and stop their training to do the same. Levi rolls his eyes and waves at them to knock it off. He makes his way to a corner with a book in hand that he’s been meaning to read for fun and settles into a chair to read. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees them get back to it, whispering to each other and trying not to stare too obviously. At least they took his advice to heart from the staring last time. It may not be perfect yet, but they’ve definitely made an improvement.

It takes at least an hour before one of them approaches him. When he looks up, he’s surprised to see Krista.

“Yes, soldier?” he says, putting his book to the side. He had been losing focus anyway. Damn, his head is killing him. He rubs a temple. “What can I do for you?”

“I was about to get us a pitcher of water, sir,” Krista says. “We were wondering if you wanted some as well.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” Levi murmurs. He rubs his forehead. Fuck.

“Sir?” Krista says, a hint of worry in her tone.

“Uh, yeah. Yes. I could use some water,” he responds. He feels things go tipsy and staggers before he steadies himself, so he doesn’t fall out of his damn chair. “ _Fuck_.”

“Captain?” he hears to his right. A glance to the side tells him it’s Mikasa, kneeling by his chair so their faces are level. It’s just his little squad left in the training room right now and they’re all looking at him like he’s going to drop dead in a second. Does he look that bad? “You just went sickly pale,” Mikasa explains, her voice rock solid and steady. He uses it to anchor himself. He feels terrible.

“Wonderful,” Levi mutters.

“Can we get something for you, sir?” Armin asks, coming onto his other side. Fuck, he knows the kids are trying to help, but he feels boxed in with the wall at his back and the three of them surrounding him, their friends starting to make a ring around them.

“You all need – to take three steps back,” Levi rushes out, feeling something sour at the back of his throat. His mouth starts to water in an entirely terrible way. “Right now,” he manages to get out before he hunches over and yaks all over the floor. He wants to say it’s humiliating, but he can’t focus on much but throwing up. As it is, he hopes he didn’t get it on anyone else. That would just be so unsanitary and unnecessary as he _did_ warn them all back.

He’s blinking way tears and wiping bile from his nose by the time Krista is back with a pitcher of water and wooden cup. Reiner and – Bertl? Fuck he really needs to get this kid’s name – pull him up and lead him away from his new puddle of sick, while Sasha pours the water that Krista hands him. To the side, he sees that Eren and Jean have already gotten mops and a bucket of soapy water. Ymir is throwing sawdust over the whole mess and Connie sweeps it up with a bristle-brush and dumps into a paper sack they use for trash. Eren and Jean start to mop. Mikasa and Armin are nowhere to be seen.

“Where are Ackerman and Arlert?” Levi asks. Reiner has gotten him a chair and his tall, silent companion helps Levi sit.

“Mikasa went to get Hange and Armin went to fetch the Commander, sir,” Krista says, biting her lip. “Would you like some more water?”

“Yes, please,” Levi murmurs. Sasha pours and Krista hands him the cup again. Well, this sucks. Now Erwin is going to have that creased, upset look on his face because it turns out that he was right, of course he was, and he doesn’t want Levi to be sick. Hange on the other hand is going to be all over him with their grubby little hands. Levi wants to drop his head into his hands and moan, but he’s been enough of a mess in front of these kids than he ever wants to be again. So, he doesn’t.

“Hey, you,” he says to the tall one who’s name he really can’t fucking remember. “I’m sorry, but there’s so many of you. Your name has slipped my mind.”

“Oh!” he says, going pink in the cheeks. He rubs the back of his neck and beside him, Reiner hides a smile. “My name is Bertholdt.”

Levi stops him before he gets into his last name, because at this rate, the first is all he’s going to remember. “Thanks, Bertholdt. Actually, thank you, everyone. You looked out for me, and that’s the first thing a squad needs to learn how to do before they start working well together.”

“Wait, we’re a squad?” Connie says as he rolls the top of the paper sack shut to keep in the stench of vomit.

Did Levi not tell them? “Well, you’re all in my squad, yeah. No one else really wants new recruits and I already have Yaeger. I figured, I’m in need of a squad and you all already know how to work together from the cadets, so.” He raises an eyebrow and sips his water. “Any complaints?”

They all shake their heads, a few of them looking at each other with smiles. Sasha jumps a little and grins widely at Krista. Jean beams at Eren, who’s looking a bit shy but smiles back. Okay, Kirstein has definitely been ogling Yaeger, then. As long as the kid is consistent, Levi can keep up.

“Captain!” Hange yelps, flinging themselves around a corner and into the training room. They immediately start looking Levi over, stars in their eyes. He tries to swat them away.

“Give me some space, Hange. Before I yak all over you, too.”

“Oh, that would be exciting!” Hange squeals. Behind them, Mikasa is making a face of distaste that matches Levi’s.

“I found them,” Mikasa says.

“You did great, Mikasa!” Sasha says, dropping the water pitcher to give her two thumbs-up. She yelps at the mess she’s made and Mikasa sighs a sigh of the long suffering and goes over to help her clean it up with Krista.

“You don’t seem to have a fever, and your color is slowly coming back,” Hange catalogues. They make Levi open his mouth, check his throat, then knead their fingers down the sides of his neck. “Nope, that’s all good. Do you feel pain anywhere? If so, describe it please.”

“I have a headache,” Levi says blandly. “Base of my skull. It was small earlier the first time I threw up, but it got a bit worse and I got woozy.”

“And then you threw up,” Connie says. Ymir swats him in the head.

“Thank you, Ymir,” Levi says, then he turns back to Hange. “But yes, and then I threw up.”

“You said this isn’t the first time?” Hange asks.

“No, I threw up this morning with-” Levi bites his tongue. Fuck, but he had been about to say _with Erwin_. “I threw up this morning,” he repeats instead.

“Interesting. I want a blood sample!” Hange yelps, thrusting their hand in the air, pointer finger up. “Let’s go!”

“No so fast, Hange,” Erwin says, walking in with Armin on his heels. Levi wonders if Armin had burst into Erwin’s office only to find him in that damn meeting. He gets a burst of satisfaction at the face Nile must have made when he realized that Erwin hadn’t been lying about Levi’s state of health. “Captain,” Erwin says. He kneels by Levi’s chair and lowers his voice a bit. For some reason, the brats clear off to the other side of the room, Reiner dragging a curious and complaining Connie with them. “Levi. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Levi says, then tries not to flinch at the sharp look Erwin gives him.

“Evidently not,” Erwin says. He shakes his head and stands back up, turning to Hange. “Commander Zoë, I’d appreciate it if you took Captain Ackerman down to your office and ran a thorough examination on him with whatever attending physician we have on-call today. See if that fluid we ran into a few months ago has anything to do with it.”

“Yes, sir,” Hange says, barely contained excitement in their voice. Levi doesn’t know who he wants to kill more right now – those kids for bringing these two in, Hange for being excited to poke and prod him, or Erwin for ordering them to do so.

“I resent this,” Levi says and gets up on shaky legs. Maybe he really is ill.

“I figured you might,” Erwin admits. But there it is, the eyebrow crease of concern. Levi can’t be _that_ upset about this. “Let me know if you find anything, yes?” Erwin says, addressing Hange.

“Of course,” they respond with a scoff. As if they wouldn’t have done that anyway.

“I have a … meeting to return to.” Erwin shakes his head. “And I’ve left poor Mike alone in the room with them, too.”

Levi doesn’t envy Mike his position, but it would still be better than what he’s about to go through.

* * *

 Hange is rifling around in a giant ice-box at the back of their lab. They’ve left poor Moblit to take another sample of Levi’s blood and Levi _is not happy_. He really is going to have to apologize to Moblit when this is all done and over with. Levi has been glaring at the poor man, and Levi knows that can’t be fun to be on the receiving end of.

“Will you _hurry up_ , Glasses?” Levi snarls at Hange. “Before I do something that I will _actually_ regret?” It’s enough to send Moblit skittering back. Levi has seen the man take on titans with his commanding officer, but Moblit _still_ doesn’t want to be anywhere near the disaster zone Levi can more often than not be.

“Just a moment! I’m looking for the right samples!” Hange says. The on-call physician had already looked Levi over, written down his symptoms (not that there were many), and had written it off as some 24-hour virus Levi must be working through. She did, however, say something to Hange that had the section commander freeze up and dismiss her. It seemed like the doctor had muttered, “It was a joke. No need to take it the wrong way,” under her breath, but she had left with a shrug and wince of sympathy toward Levi as Hange started to search for their samples.

“Aha!” Hange crows, pulling themselves out of the crate with way too many samples in their hands.

“What is that?” Levi asks in irritation.

“My samples box! I have them all preserved and kept cool to stay fresh. I replace them once about every six months,” Hange says coming over to him. “You’re lucky! These _just_ got switched out so they’re all very fresh.” They clink the little vials together in excitement.

“Samples… of what?” Levi asks, not sure he really wants to know.

“Oh, all of the diseases we’re aware of, whether we can treat them or not. So, I have to be careful with most of these. Some are just of different medical conditions that are not diseases, whether that be abnormalities in the blood or glucose levels. However, these two.” They lift two frosty vials. One has blood, the other…

“Is that urine?” Levi blanches.

“Of course!” Hange says. They lift another with something in formaldehyde. “This one, though, has been permanently preserved. It’s the sample of that fluid that Erwin wants me to check on, and your original blood sample from it.” This one in is in another permanently preserved vial.

“What are the first two for?” Levi asks. But Hange gets a bit shifty.

“I need you to pee in this glass,” they say instead. To his credit, Moblit doesn’t look surprised when Hange says this. Levi tries not to growl as he snatches the glass from Hange and stomps to a corner. He pisses in the glass, trying his best to ignore the people in the room. But Hange is having Moblit help them set up a microscope and pipettes, little glass slides for samples lining the metal table they’re setting up on. By the time Levi finally gets the sample they want, everything is set up. He hands the sample over to Moblit who takes it in gloved hands with a pinched expression on his face.

Hange starts pressing samples from Levi’s blood and urine into glass. They hand them to Moblit who puts them on the table again with utmost care, just as careful as Hange is. Damn, they had him trained well. Hange uses a new pipette for every sample, going to the titan fluid ones and doing the same. Then they finally press the mystery samples between the slides of glass and get to their microscope. There’s a small flame that’s far below the damn thing to illuminate the sample while Hange adjusts the pieces of magnified glass in the right order to get as close as possible. They start comparing Levi’s blood and urine to all the other samples, and their excitement dies down a bit as they work. They scrawl things down and then switch with Moblit, who does it _all_ over again just to double check. Then Hange does it all _again_ to be absolutely sure.

“I’m not mad, am I Moblit?” Hange says lifting their goggles and rubbing their eyes. “The Captain’s samples match all of these on different levels, correct?”

“Correct,” Moblit says. “Completely matched on every sample.” He frowns. “But you haven’t told me what the other sample is, besides the titan fluid ones.”

“That was so I could get an unbiased opinion on my work-proofs. Unfortunately, Moblit, as loyal as I know you are, the Captain’s condition should stay between myself and him. I’m going to ask you to leave and guard the hallway, please. And no eavesdropping, alright?” Hange says sweetly, shooing the man out.

“Of course, Commander,” Moblit says, taking his leave without a fuss. He’s probably relieved to get the hell away from Levi and his bad mood.

Once he’s gone, Levi finally cracks. “What’s going on.” Not even a question.

“You know,” Hange starts. “I checked that extra sample only out of curiosity. I didn’t think it would come back positive. It never does, with men.”

“Hange,” Levi says because now he’s starting to get scared. He is rarely genuinely afraid, but right now is doing it. “Just tell me: am I dying?” He can’t be dying. He needs to be here to support and help and _love_ Erwin Smith. Levi just can’t be dying.

“Sometimes people do, but as long as … removal procedures are done correctly, then no, they’re all perfectly healthy,” Hange responds.

“So, something needs to be removed from me,” Levi says with a sigh of relief. He can deal with that. “Does this have anything to do with my increase in weight?” he asks. The doctor had noticed when looking at his file, and so had Hange. He gestured to his abdomen. “It’s going a bit soft and curving out, but I thought I was just getting lazy with these new recruits. But if it’s… I don’t know, some _mass_ caused by that damn titan fluid-” Levi freezes. “You need to check Erwin. He might have this too.”

“I think it would have manifested by now,” Hange explains. “If he’s not going through the same symptoms as you, then I think he should be fine.” Now they let out a shaky sigh. “And honestly, I don’t think I could hide and treat _two_ of you.”

“Why do we need to hide this?” Levi says in shock. “You just said as long as we remove it correctly, I won’t die.”

“Well, yes, but this is the first documented case in a man… well, at least one with a penis,” Hange corrects.

“What does my dick have to do with this?”

“There’s nowhere for it to come out,” Hange says, looking more and more like they really don’t want to be having this conversation anymore. “Oh man, the novelty has worn out and I’m actually a little nervous to tell you what’s going on!” They laugh but it’s tittering.

“What’s going on, then?” Levi says. He walks right up to them, and even though he’s several inches shorter, Hange steps back. “Hange.”

“Um, your carrying,” Hange blurts, then winces and squeezes their eyes shut, like they’re afraid Levi is going to slug them in the face. But Levi takes a step back and stops in confusion.

“I’m sorry, _what_ am I carrying?” he asks, his heartbeat picking up. What the fuck is going on?

“Well, I’m fairly sure it’s human, as that’s usually how reproduction goes,” Hange starts, but Levi lifts a hand, his eyes going wide. They stop, and Levi feels like he’s going to tip over.

“This isn’t funny, Hange,” he croaks. Because it sounds like they’re saying that he’s… that he’s… but that’s impossible. He’s a man – one with a penis, because even he knows not everyone grows up into the label slapped onto them when born and … Okay, no he can’t think of birth right now.

“Your blood and urine match the samples I have of a pregnant woman – Moblit confirmed that for me without even knowing what it was he was looking at. Your DNA has… mutated a bit, and it looks like whatever was in the titan fluid is fused with it. It caused changes, I’m guessing, to your physicality, inside of your body, of course. It’s influencing your hormones as well, sending more of what we see in women. I did a smear test and you have way more progesterone and estrogen in you than a male of your age and body type should.”

“I – I don’t know what that means,” Levi says.

“I’m sure it happened to Erwin as well, but his must have shriveled or dissolved back into his blood system when there was no uh other biological life-making material added to his body. You’d be surprised how bodies can soak things up, especially when we take into effect what this fluid can be doing to your body,” Hange continues, on a roll now. They’re starting to get their excitement back, after the initial shock of being right.

“The doctor,” Levi snaps, focusing in on one thing at a time. “What did she say to you that you were supposed to take as a joke?”

“She mentioned that if one only looked at your symptoms and the changes your body was going through, while ignoring your biological sex, one would assume that you were-”

“Stop!” he says hands pressed to his ears. His vision is starting to tunnel and he’s hyperventilating which is decidedly _not_ what Levi does, so he takes in a deep breath.

"Hange, I'm going to need you to be a little less excited about what's going on and a bit more helpful," Levi grits out, trying not to lose his cool. As it is, he wishes Petra was here as his backup. Hell, even Oluo would do at a time like this. But all he has are those 104th brats that he grudgingly likes enough to get on with. And he doesn't want to get them involved in this until he's absolutely sure that Hange isn't getting ahead of themselves. "So, say it to me one more time, like I'm Nile. _What's_ wrong with me?"

"Let's just say you're in a ... delicate situation," Hange says with a gleam in their eyes. Levi sort of wants to run.

"I thought that's what you said," Levi responds. "And you don't have to explain, I understand what you mean," he butts in before Hange can go on with it. "Just - let me think."

"Aye-aye, captain," they respond. But they're still too excited. "If I could get another blood sample-"

"Don't touch me or my kid with another needle, you vampiric little pest."

It makes both of them freeze, that he’s finally acknowledged the proverbial elephant in the room. There’s a living thing inside of him, hypothetically. But he doesn’t think Hange is wrong. Hormone headaches, morning sickness, putting on weight where a uterus would be on someone with the right equipment? _Fuck._

“How the hell is this possible?” he finally says. He drops onto the floor, pressing his back against the wall behind him. Hange gives him a moment, then walks over and sits by him.

“The incident you and Erwin described to me… it almost sounded like a titan being born. We know they don’t have any reproductive organs to speak of, so I think that something occurred like what happened when Eren transformed for the first time. I feel sorry for whatever poor sod it was that transformed, whether it was one of ours or a townsperson,” they murmur as an afterthought. Levi wants to slam his head into the cement behind him. No wonder Armin had looked at the scene in recognition – it looked like what he had seen with Eren, though he hadn’t known it was Eren at the time.

“Okay, and?” Levi says.

“We’ve never had anyone witness that before, not really, never mind get sprayed with whatever comes out of a titan during that transformation. If you think about it, it’s almost like a pseudo-birth. My working hypothesis is that the fluid has properties in it that allows one organism to host another living organism inside of them. It helps the host adapt so that both the host and … we’ll call it a parasitic organism for now – so that they both live. In titans, it seems not to be very advanced, but with humans, well, we already have bodies that can adapt to hosting other living organisms. So, the fluid and the cells within it just… copied. We’ve all got DNA strands in our sexual cells for both biological sexes. I’m guessing these titan ones copied the structures of the ones that would be female as they’re the types adapted to be a host and…”

“And it made me a uterus?” Levi chokes out, face pressed to his knees. “You know how stupid, unlikely, and fucking crazy that sounds, right?”

“We fight giant monsters for a living that have no reason to eat us besides liking it. _This_ is what you have trouble believing?” they scoff. Hange gently flicks Levi in the temple. “Open your mind a bit, Captain.”

“Can we - ” and Levi feels bile rise in the back of his throat that has nothing to do with morning sickness. “Can we get rid of it?” he asks.

Hange is quiet. “Well, I can look into it. But Levi, I don’t know _where_ in your body this is. And you don’t have a vaginal opening that we can go through to remove whatever is in there. I’m fairly confident it’s human, I’m fairly confident it’s around your abdominal area, and I’m fairly certain it’s not going to kill you, not if we give you a cesarean section when the time comes around. Based on your symptoms, I’d say you’re well into your third month, about to start the fourth, so your first trimester will be done soon. You seem to be developing like a female-bodied human would.”

“What about… herbs? Concoctions? To get rid of it, I mean,” Levi presses.

“Well, we could try,” Hange says. “But we run into the same issue. There’s no where for the biological waste to go. If we leave that rotting in your body, there’s a very, very high and likely chance that you’ll die of infection.” Levi swears under his breath. The whole point is _not_ to die. “We can try opening you up,” Hange says. “But… without a solid plan as to where to cut and what to pull… again, you would more likely end up bleeding out or… who knows what else, go into shock or cardiac arrest being sliced into like that.”

“What if I… whatever, stay like this? How would you do the surgical removal then?” Levi asks.

“Well, at that point, it would be an actual baby and I’d be able to see it when I opened you up. Then I’d do what I’ve done with properly pregnant people and yank the kid, sew you up, and be done in no time. I’d know where to put infection precautions and all that jazz.” They frown. “Levi, I don’t want you to think that I’m mad that you don’t want to go through with this. I’m not. I’m just trying to tell you where we are, scientifically. We haven’t made enough progress to deal with something like this. I understand that you don’t want this, but I don’t want you to _die_ -”

“I never said I didn’t want this!” Levi snaps at them, eyes wild and threatening to drop tears. Well, now he can just blame that on excess hormones his body shouldn’t even have.

“…what?” Hange says, genuinely lost. “But you _just_ said-”

“I am in _love_ with this unborn brat’s other parent,” Levi spits. “Deeply, deeply, stupidly in love with them. Ok? This is… this is like a pipe-dream that I would never even think of to have. A child, with that person? Made from the two of us? What kind of miracle…” Levi trails off and looks away before Hange starts piecing things together.

“But then why…”

“In this world, where this kid’s got a 50/50 chance of being killed by the very monsters that put us in this predicament? Not to mention the government would want to snatch them up and experiment on them. Or maybe I’ll die, maybe-” He bites his tongue. “Maybe the other parent dies. Or doesn’t want them or this.”

“I’d help you raise them,” Hange says softly. “And I wouldn’t let the government touch you _or_ them,” they continue, and Levi curses the tear that slips down his cheek. Hange rests their head on Levi’s shoulder. “Hell, I’d hide this from them and tell them it was mine when the damn kid came. We’d never have to tell them _or_ whoever this potentially-scummy other parent is.”

“How are you gonna hide me when I’m 9 months pregnant and waddling around?” Levi barks with a deprecating laugh. He shakes his head. “No, if we can’t get rid of it without killing me, then they’ll have to know. Who’s gonna protect me then?”

“Erwin,” Hange replies with absolutely no hesitation and frowns when Levi actually flinches. “He’d never let anything happen to any of us. I’m sure he would want to protect that child just as much as you and me. And you know him, that devious mind of his would come up with something.”

“Maybe,” Levi says aloud. In his head, all he can think is, _and maybe not when he finds out it’s his._

“Ok, you know what? Enough talk. We can pick this conversation back up tomorrow, how about it?” Hange says, standing up and offering a hand down to Levi to help him get to his feet. Levi takes the offer and allows them to hoist him up. “Please, eat something and lay down for a bit, okay? If I can figure out how to get it out before it becomes too much of a problem, I’ll let you know.”

“Do you think you can do it with more than a 50% chance of me not dying?” Levi asks flat out.

Hange hesitates and he already knows the answer. “I… no. I know I can’t.”

“Then don’t bother,” Levi says. “Think of plans of action on how we can get away with this without this kid getting snatched away or worse.”

“Alright,” they say. “I’ll get to it. I’ll keep it to myself for now. Let me know when you’re comfortable telling others. We can start with Erwin and go from there. How’s that sound?”

Levi is so fucking tired. He wants to cry, he wants to scream, he wants to eat something and nap. Instead, he nods his head and lets the feeling of gratitude at not having to face this alone wash over him. He’s so, so grateful for Hange, now more than ever.

“Thank you,” he says, puts as much of his feelings behind those two words as he possibly can.

“Hey, don’t tell anyone, but I think you’re my best friend, Captain,” Hange says with a wink. Levi rolls his eyes and shoves their face away from where it’s gotten far too close to his. “Hey!” they yelp, but then they dissolve into a fit of laughter that has Levi’s lips twitching up into a smile as well. “But in all seriousness, are you going to tell this other mystery parent?” they ask, cleaning their glasses on their probably-grimy shirt.

“Yes,” Levi says. “I sleep with them most nights, so it’s not like I can hide it. And…”

“You love them,” Hange says. “It’s hard to lie to the ones you love.” Levi snorts. If that’s the case, then Erwin must either be in constant pain from lying to Levi, or he doesn’t love Levi all that much. The thought leaves Levi with a chill down his spine, and he knows that the next few days may very well make or break their relationship.

That’s fucking terrifying.

“Yeah,” he says, clearing his throat.

“Okay, off you go,” Hange says. “Take it easy for me? The morning sickness is probably going to stick around for a few weeks longer,” they explain.

“Wonderful,” Levi sighs. He hates throwing up. That shit is just way too nasty.

“Oh, and Levi?” Hange says. Levi looks over his shoulder and immediately slits his eyes at the look on their face.

“What?”

“I just wanted to say, I really didn’t expect this from you.”

He frowns but bites. “Expect what?”

“That you’re a bottom!” Hange squeals. They have enough presence of mind to get the fuck out of the way when Levi whips his shoe at them in retaliation. “Oh, calm down, Captain. Just a little teasing!”

“Fuck you, Glasses!” Levi yells behind him after he’s retrieved his shoe and is heading out, down the hall. Moblit is still at attention. Levi nods back to the lab where he can still hear Hange laughing hysterically. Moblit looks a bit wary at going back in, but that’s honestly not Levi’s problem.

With a light pat to his abdomen and a, “You’re gonna make my life so much harder, kid,” directed down toward his navel, Levi heads to the mess hall to grab some chow and then hunker down in the room until Erwin comes home.

* * *

That’s the plan anyway. But those damn brats are eating dinner altogether and they catch sight of him trying to sneak out with food. He can’t convince them all _not_ to follow him back up to his quarters. Mikasa looks like she’s trying to hide a smirk, like she just _knows_ something that the others don’t. Levi finds it in his best interest for now to ignore it.

They’re all around his room in various pockets, jabbering to each other and him. Ymir is sitting on the desk with Krista in the chair in front of her. By Krista’s legs, Sasha sits explaining some sort of card game to Mikasa, Connie, and the two girls behind her. Reiner and Bertholdt ( _yes_ , he finally got it) are sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, looking on at the card game as well. Sitting on the actual foot of the bed are Eren and Jean, both looking a bit awkward but only pretending to pay attention to the rules of the game, focused more on catching glimpses of each other out of the corners of their eyes. Armin sits beside him, making sure he’s actually eating. Levi would be annoyed if he didn’t also feel choked up at all these idiots hanging around with him to make sure he’s alright.

"Sir, if I may ask?” Armin starts. Levi glances over at him and nods. “Did you find out what’s ailing you?”

“I did,” Levi responds, wiping his mouth as his appetite suddenly goes. Well, that didn’t last long.

“Will you be alright?”

“Give it a few months, and I should be back on my feet,” Levi says. It’s as close to the truth as he’s going to get for right now.

“Then I wish you a speedy recovery, sir,” Armin says with a bright smile. He looks down at Levi’s plate. “Are you going to finish?”

“My appetite has been finicky lately,” Levi admits. He puts the plate on the bedside table. “I’ll just finish later.” Armin nods and looks at the others. Eren and Jean have joined the group on the floor and everyone is joking and laughing, playing some game that’s all about bluffing what cards you have as you put them down in the supposed right order starting from aces all the way to kings. Levi likes having the room full and alive. “Why are you all in here, anyway?” Levi asks. Armin seems to be the smartest one of them all, with Mikasa as a close second. But currently, Mikasa is brushing hair from Sasha’s face while the latter shows her cards, so she doesn’t seem disposed to talking.

“I think everyone was a bit shaken about you being ill, sir. Especially since you sort of took us all under your proverbial wing,” Armin admits. He rubs the back of his neck and gives a nervous laugh. “We can go if it’s bothering you. You probably need your rest.”

“It’s fine,” Levi says, flapping a hand at him as he sips the tea he brought in. “I’ve either been alone all day or locked up in a room with Hange. Seeing you all is a welcome change of scenery.”

“Just let us know,” Armin insists. He doesn’t join the others, but seems to sense that Levi needs someone to sit by him right now. They watch in companionable silence. Levi vows to remember this later, that Armin is the one he wants by him when he’s planning training exercises and routes for them to go on. He seems to know the group’s strengths and weaknesses, and that’s always useful to have. He’d make a good point-man. Levi tells him as much. “Oh, please, sir,” Armin says, looking bashful. “I just pay attention, that’s all.”

“That’s the point,” Levi tells him. “Every group needs someone like that. Trust me, for them, it’s you.”

“Thank you,” Armin responds. And then, as an afterthought: “I think.”

“You’re welcome. And you’re right to be wary of the role. It’s not easy.”

“With them, not much is,” Armin admits.

It’s then that the door opens, and everyone hushes at once, turning to see who it is. Levi already knows without having to look up. Erwin is standing in the doorway with a tea tray in his hands. It’s laden with a steaming teapot, two cups on saucers, a milk jug, a sugar bowl, and spoons. Erwin takes in the many faces in the room and Levi has to hand it to him, the man doesn’t even bat a lash.

“I see you have company,” he says to the room at large, but Levi knows when he’s being spoken to.

“They didn’t want to leave me alone,” Levi says with a shrug, hiding his pleased grin behind his teacup as he sips the last, cold dregs in it. “Perfect timing, though. I could use some more tea.”

“It’s a good thing I came when I did then,” Erwin responds.

“Here, Commander. Let me get that for you,” Armin says, sliding off the bed from his spot near Levi. Levi already misses him; he hadn’t realized how warm the kid was or how cold he was feeling. Did this damn room have a draft? Armin takes the tea tray from Erwin and makes his way over to the desk where Ymir and Krista are clearing off, the other kids picking up their cards and moving out of the way.

“I appreciate you coming by,” Levi says, keeping up the pretense that this is actually his room, and not the Commander’s. It wouldn’t do for his new squad to already know what was up, though he did wonder if hiding was a moot point based on most of their faces. Could it be that Connie, with his wide and curious (confused?) eyes was the only one who had no idea, or were the others just better at hiding their curiosity?

“I thought I should at least check in with my ill officer. Catch you up on the meeting that lasted up until now,” Erwin says, playing along as the young ones pull themselves together and help each other stand. Once they’re all lined up, they give Erwin a salute. He chuckles, thoroughly endeared, even though Levi is sure none of the kids can tell. “That’s unnecessary at this hour,” Erwin insists, though they all drop their arms reluctantly.

“Well, he’s got a point. It’s late. The Commander will keep me company for a bit before we head our own ways,” Levi says to them. He really has appreciated their company up until know, though. “But thank you for stopping by,” he adds, so they aren’t discouraged from doing this in the future.

“It’s like you said, sir,” Yaeger starts. “We have to know how to take care of each other to be a good team. That’s what we’re trying to do.”

“It seems like you succeeded,” Erwin says. He nods to them all and then gestures to the door. “Have a restful night then everyone.”

They leave with a chorus of ‘good night’s and file out the door, Connie fervently whispering to Sasha and Reiner about _what the hell is going on_ before they’re all out. Erwin shuts the door to their room softly, then makes them both tea, before carrying the cups over. He hands one to Levi and settles his own on the bedside table, so he can slip out of his uniform and into his sleeping clothes. Levi is already in his.

“They like you,” Erwin says, pulling a shirt over his head.

“Mostly,” Levi qualifies. He sips his tea, reveling in the way it warms him up as it slides down his throat. He can’t wait for Erwin to get into bed so he can warm up some more, even if they only do cuddle. “How was the meeting? Has it really been going on for so long?”

“Unfortunately,” Erwin says with a sigh, pulling back the covers and climbing in. He reaches for his own tea with one hand and brushes back Levi’s hair from his face with the other. “Did Hange figure out what’s going on?”

“You still haven’t told me how the meeting went,” Levi says, ashamed at how transparent his stalling is.

“I put some notes down on the desk under the tea tray for you to look at in the morning. Nothing new. Nile still wants to take Eren down, but we still have custody of him. It took most of the day to reach that conclusion. Again.” He breathes in the steam from his tea. “Now, my question.”

Levi stares into his milky tea and says, “Yes. Hange figured it out. We think, at least. And no, I’m not dying.” He could say it right now, Levi thinks. He could just say what he’s been rehearsing in his head for hours, even when those kids were in here making a ruckus that should have been distracting enough but wasn’t. He could just tell Erwin that Erwin’s baby is growing inside of him because of weird, fucked up science and those _damn_ titans. He could just say it and take the consequences as they came, whether it was hot tea to the face or something worse.

But then, Levi also wants at least one more night with Erwin before shit has the potential to hit the proverbial fan. He wants to lay with Erwin for one more night where he doesn’t have to worry about his body betraying him or the government stripping him of his title and rights. He wants one more night where he doesn’t have to risk the man sitting against the pillows next to him. And if that makes him a bad person or a bad future-parent, then so be it. Levi has never claimed to be inherently good.

 _Just one more night, kiddo_ , he thinks, sending the thought down to where the warm teacup is pressed to his gut. _One more night, and then I’m all yours and we’ll see if Papa is too._ And damn it, but that is fucking weird to think. Levi shakes his head and ignores the contemplative look Erwin gives him for it.

“I’m glad you aren’t dying,” Erwin says with a wry smile. When Levi doesn’t return it, the smile fades. “Levi?”

“Can we – can we not? Not tonight, Erwin,” he says, looking away. Levi lets out a shuddery breath. “Please. I need time to process. It’s not… not _bad_ per say, just difficult, and I’ve already had a long day with all of this bullshit.”

Erwin’s hand is suddenly in his free one. He’s squeezing Levi’s fingers with warmth and firmness. When Levi looks up at his face, there’s no anger or disappoint, just understanding and relief that for now, Levi seems to be alright. It has to be fine, Levi thinks to himself. Erwin is going to be ok with this, they’ll work it out. He has to believe that. No man can look at his partner the way Erwin is looking at Levi right now and _not_ stay with them through thick and thin. It’s just not possible.

“Not tonight then,” Erwin says with a nod and quirk of his lips. “Are you at least feeling a bit better physically?” he asks.

“No more vomiting for now,” Levi tells him. He wonders if the ‘for now’ is too ominous, but ignores the thought. He has more important things to think about, like finishing his tea and pressing close to Erwin after.

“Good,” Erwin says, sipping his tea as well. He doesn’t let go of Levi’s hand, like he knows that Levi needs the touch to anchor him down. Which, to be honest, he probably _does_ know. If anyone knows Levi well enough, it’s the man sitting beside him in bed, drinking tea with him as the sky goes pitch black outside their curtained window.

They finish and wash up before bed. Once they’re lying beside each other, Levi finally lets out a sigh of relief that he hadn’t known he was holding in. At least he has tonight, whatever may come in the morning. Erwin spoons up behind him, tucking Levi’s shoulder under his chin. One arm settles over Levi’s waist, a knee pushing gently between Levi’s thighs. He settles like a heavy, hot, comforting weight down the line of Levi’s back. For once, Levi feels like he could fall asleep first. He’s had to deal with too much shit today to be able to keep his eyes open for much longer.

“Whatever it is,” Erwin says in his ear, “I promise, I’ll be here for you. Whatever needs to be done, I’ll do it. You don’t have to be afraid to tell me.” Levi wonders if he knows, but how could he? Who would ever think of the explanation that it really was? It had been the farthest thing from Levi’s mind and it was probably the same for Erwin. But Erwin presses a kiss to the back of Levi’s neck and sighs, “I promise you, Levi.”

And Levi? Well, he really does believe the bastard. Call him what you will.

He’s asleep in minutes.

* * *

 Levi is usually up before Erwin, but for once when he opens his eyes, the spot beside him in bed is empty and the sheets are cool to the touch, meaning it’s been awhile since Erwin left. Levi lays on his side for a bit, then hoists himself up and gets ready for the day. In doing so, he sees a note on the desk. Erwin’s familiar scrawl flows across it, telling Levi of the bullshit Nile tried to pull in the early morning. Apparently, he had tried to use the lack of progress on Annie’s condition as enough evidence to snatch Eren, since it _was_ sort of Eren’s fault that she was in that state. In the note, Erwin asks Levi to check on his new squad since Eren had been snatched away from them in the middle of the mess hall by the MPs. He also asks that they pop in on Hange and offer the squad’s assistance on whatever they need.

Levi snorts, trying not to get too burnt up at Nile’s bullshit. How the hell had Marie settled for that asshole?

He goes to grab food in the mess hall, the place deserted. Then he heads to the outdoor training ring. He had the kids on these training grounds to work on their 3DMG maneuvers. They’re all in various states of swinging around the obstacle course. Levi considers taking them into the woods by HQ later, so they can use the trees. It might be nice to get them out of the building and into the fresh air.

Bertholdt sees him first and swings down at the end of the obstacle course. The others follow his line of sight and start lining up for inspection. Sasha and Krista finish their obstacle run and land at the end of the line, everyone taking that as their cue to drop into simultaneous salutes. He nods to them, walking down the line, pretending to be inspecting their gear and uniforms, but Levi is really looking at their faces, into their eyes. Most of them are either shaken, worried, or annoyed. He can sympathize with every single one of them.

“Alright,” Levi says, and they all drop the salute, arms behind their backs, hands clasped, and eyes straightforward. He shouldn’t be surprised; Shadis always did well with the recruits that lasted and joined the Scouts. “We’ve been asked by Commander Smith to report to section Commander Zoë. Once there, we’ll assist them in any way they ask. That means if they want you running at that damn block of rock and hitting it with your face, you’ll do it. Is that clear?”

“Yes sir!” they all call. On the other end of the line, Jean has his jaw clenched so tight, it looks like his teeth could shatter with a touch. Armin and Mikasa are scowling.

“Which one of you saw them take Yaeger?” Levi asks, tone a bit softer. With glances to the right and left, all of them raise their hands to face level. Well fuck, they just snatched the kid without warning in front of all his comrades? Honestly, Nile seems to be getting worse with age, not better. “Of course,” Levi sighs to himself. “Alright then. Let’s work on getting him back then, shall we?” he says.

“Yes sir!” they all yell. The headache is back, so he’s not too excited that they’re shrieking, but he understands why at least.

“Ok, let’s go,” Levi says, turning on his heel without looking back. He knows they’ll all follow him.

It doesn’t take long to get to their dungeons where Hange is working diligently in front of the large mass of crystal that has Annie encased in it. They’re chewing on something that Levi is sure shouldn’t be chewed on, if Moblit’s face is anything to go on. Hange turns when they hear the door open, ready to say something embarrassing or inappropriate for new-recruit ears. But one look at Levi’s face and the line of young people trailing behind him has them snapping their mouth shut.

“Moratorium on my medical history,” Levi says immediately.

“So it seems!” Hange answers. They look at the recruits coming in, everyone eyeing the machines and tools and _vials_ that line the walls of Hange’s workspace. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Our fearless leader sent us down to help you with literally anything you need to get done in light of Yaeger getting snatched by those shithead MPs,” Levi responds, folding his arms across his chest. Behind him, Reiner and Ymir share a look at his bluntness.

“Does this mean we can cuss the MPs out too?” Connie says in a terrible attempt at a whisper.

Levi doesn’t even turn around when he says, “Only around our squad, Springer.” He wishes he had though, because Connie squeaks in surprise and shame, and Levi is willing to bet that his facial expression was just as wonderful as the sound. But he rubs his temples, looks at Hange, and nods. They should probably get down to it.

“Alright then!” Hange yells. Mikasa is the only one who doesn’t react. Everyone else looks vaguely startled at their volume. “Who likes reading?” Armin, Sasha, Krista, and Bertholdt lift their hands. “You’re with me, then. We’ll be doing research. The goal is to find a substance of similar consistency as what’s around Ms. Leonhart. Then find it’s weaknesses.” They turn on the remaining people: Reiner, Ymir, Connie, Mikasa, and Jean. “The rest of you are with Moblit. I want samples compared with others under the microscope. I want some of you hitting it with the weapons on the wall, I want others going at it with the different chemicals on the shelves.” They rub their hands together in well-meant excitement. It just seems to put them all off, even Moblit.

“What about the Captain?” Jean asks, giving Levi a glance as he picks a wicked looking blade from the wall and swings it around a bit.

“He’s still sick, so he can supervise, can’t you, Levi?” they say to him with a grin. To his credit, Levi doesn’t say anything colorful and instead sits down for a break. His head is achy, but he doesn’t think he’s going to be throwing up anytime soon. As it is, his spot has a good view of his squad working with Hange. The book group already has their noses pressed between pages while the attack group is filling the room with clangs. Moblit has a small sliver of whatever is around Annie and he hands it off to Jean, who seems to be the only one with any remote knowledge on how to work that wonky contraption Hange calls a microscope.

“Take this book with you!” Hange says, handing him a thick, dusty tome. “That’s got sketches of most known substances and their structures. Compare and contrast. I want a list of at least 20 possible relatives of the substance we have.”

“Yes, commander,” Jean says, that clench in his jaw back with a vengeance. He marches to the table by Levi where he gets to work without another word.

Three hours go by without anyone stopping. By then, it’s almost noontime. These kids have to be hungry, because Levi sure is and he hate later than all of them. Jean is rubbing his strained eyes that have been peering at slides and reading small print for too long. Reiner has a slice on his eyebrow from Connie whacking him with a particularly sharp saw. A few of the readers look like they have headaches from staring at text too long, or neckaches from their heads being craned down.

“Alright, I’m calling it,” Levi says, standing up. Everyone turns to look at him. “Lunch, now. We can come back after an hour and get back to it. But if we keep going, at this rate, you’ll all be useless come dinner time.”

Sasha moans her gratitude, hands on her abdomen to sooth her hunger pangs. Beside her, Krista laughs and starts to help Armin move books out of their way, so they can head to the door. Hange supervises the safe stowing-away of the weapons Mikasa and Ymir had been using, and then they all head out to the mess hall, Levi picking up the caboose to make sure everyone actually gets out.

“You too, Kirstein,” he says to Jean. Jean looks up from his microscope, face dazed.

“What, sir?”

“We’re taking a break for lunch. You can continue afterward,” Levi repeats, shoving down his irritation.

“Oh,” Jean says. He rubs his neck and stands, taking the notes he had been writing with him.

“You can leave those,” Levi says, walking out with him.

“I…” Jean stops. “I’d like to look at them over lunch, sir. If there’s anything useful in them, it wouldn’t do to miss it. Eren’s return to us relies on that.” He looks forward and keeps walking, but damn, that kid’s jaw.

“You’re gonna crack your jawbone if you keep clenching it like that,” Levi says, going for causal and sounding more monotone than anything else. Jean relaxes it, but Levi isn’t sure it will last long.

“Feeling better, sir?” Jean asks, walking into the mess and grabbing trays for them both.

“Well, I haven’t spewed yet, so I’ll take that as a win,” Levi responds, accepting the tray.

“Glad to hear it, sir,” Jean says. He sounds genuine.

They eat together with Hange and Moblit interspersed between the young ones. Everyone’s talking about what they’ve been able to find in those texts and what techniques seem to work on that damn rock casket that Annie’s locked herself into. Jean goes over his notes, asking Armin a few questions about the things he didn’t understand in the text he was using. He scribbles answers in the margins and thanks his friend while shoving potato into his mouth. Levi prefers to watch and not speak, cataloguing the bad habits he’s going to have to train out of these kids if they’re going to be a useful squad to him. They’ve all got the raw material in them, he just has to shape them out.

By the time they get back to Hange’s lab, Erwin is there waiting for them.

“Commander!” Hange gushes, rushing in. “We’ve made _such_ headway! Thank you for sending a squad.” They wave their handful of notes in Erwin’s face. “Look at all these _data_. And Kirstein is compiling an excellent list of substances similar to what we’re looking at. Once he’s done, we’ll find ways to break those and apply it to Annie’s Box.”

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” Levi asks as he walks in. Erwin’s face lights up when he sees him, but only in his eyes. Levi can tell he’s happy though. His squad makes their way around him, all nodding to Erwin in respect, but they jump back into their work all the same. Levi appreciates their dedication.

“Captain, may I have a word?” Erwin asks, nodding to the door. Levi follows him out without comment, shutting the door behind them once they reach the hallway.

They’re in the belly of their HQ, so everything is dark, damp, and cool. Erwin walks further in, even though Levi knows there are no more doors that way, just a concrete wall signaling the end of the passage. But he humors the man and walks deeper in with him. At the wall, Erwin stops and turns, extending a hand for Levi to take. He takes it and allows Erwin to pull him close. It’s brief, but Levi appreciates it all the same.

“I apologize for leaving you so early,” Erwin says when he pulls back. Levi’s hand is still in his and it doesn’t look like Erwin is going to let go.

“It’s fine. I appreciate the note, though,” Levi tells him. “What’s going on with Eren?”

Erwin sighs heavily through his nose. “The MPs still have him. I think they’re really considering keeping him. I don’t know what they think having him locked up in chains is going to do, but that’s the way it’s looking. For now.”

“We’ll get him back,” Levi says, an edge to his voice. Maybe the kid was a pain in the ass at the best of times, but Levi still liked him well enough. His blushy face leaned close to Jean’s pops into Levi’s mind, the card game from yesterday coming back to him. They’re kids, he thinks, just like whatever is inside of him will one day be. They don’t deserve this, no one does. Though, speaking of…

“Levi?” Erwin asks. Levi hadn’t realized he was squeezing the man’s hand so tight.

“I’m fine,” Levi says. “Just… we really need to talk, Erwin.” He grits his teeth and wonders if he’s already picking up bad habits from Jean. Levi’s going to need to smack the kid next time he sees him clenching. “About my … condition.” Wow, was this how Hange felt?

“I want you to be ready to tell me. Don’t force yourself to,” Erwin says sternly. “And if you don’t want to tell me at all, then don’t. I respect your boundaries, Levi.”

“It has to do with you,” Levi says. “I feel a bit obligated to say something.”

“… have I made you ill?” Erwin says, body going carefully still. His eyes widen a fraction. It’s the closest to horrified Levi’s ever seen on him.

“Well, that’s one way to put it,” Levi snorts. This is going to suck. “I’m going to try to be as painless with this as possible. And as simple as I can because I don’t have the patience to explain everything. Ask Hange after, if you really want to know the logistics.”

“Levi, if something is terribly wrong-”

“I’m carrying your child,” Levi says firmly, cutting Erwin off. The effect is immediate. Erwin’s hand tightens around his and it looks like he stops breathing. But Levi soldiers on, keeping his face as blank as possible, his voice as even as he can. “Whatever was in that fluid mutated my body. We had sex, and that was it. Hange is at least 80% sure that I have a small pre-human growing inside of me and the only one I’ve fucked for years is you, so I’m not going out on much of a limb here saying it’s yours.” 

“Morning sickness,” Erwin says. Of course, that’s where his mind went.

“Yes, Erwin. It seems I’ve been suffering from morning sickness. And no, I’m not getting fat, I’m just pregnant,” Levi states. He is quite impressed with himself at his level of steadiness. Inside, everything feels like it’s on fire and _terrible_. “Hange doesn’t think it’s a good idea to try and get rid of it – there’s a stupidly high risk of me dying if we do that.” Erwin’s eyes snap down to Levi’s face at that comment. Levi doesn’t know how to interpret his look, so he just continues. “By the end of this month, I’ll have finished my first trimester. Hange is confident they can operate on me when my nine months are up. We just need to figure out who to tell and how to keep the nasty government from snatching it and me away.”

There. He’s said his piece. Now, he can either watch it all crumble around him or explode.

Neither happens.

“We do seem to have a situation on our hands then,” Erwin says, letting go of Levi’s hand. Levi suddenly feels cold all over and swallows hard past the lump that has magically appeared in his throat without his noticing. “I think I _will_ further discuss this with section commander Hange,” he continues, turning away from Levi. What the fuck? Did he not hear anything Levi just said?

“Uh,” Levi stutters out. Then he shuts his mouth and watches Erwin walk back to the lab without looking back at him or asking him to accompany him. “The fuck?” Levi says to himself. This may be worse than Erwin calling him a liar or yelling that he wants no part in this. He’s straight up… _unfazed_. Dismissive. Done.

Levi makes it to the lab in time to hear Erwin say, “Hange, may I have a word?” His face is unreadable and that’s saying something coming from Levi. Usually there’s something in Erwin’s eyes, hell, even his eyebrows. But right now, there’s nothing there aside from a face that looks to be carved from stone. Hange looks over to him with a smile that freezes on their face. They wipe it off quickly and acquiesce, shooting Levi a worried look as they walk by. The door shuts behind them and the whole room is silent. Levi can feel his squad’s and Moblit’s eyes on him.

“Just because Hange isn’t here, doesn’t mean you should stop working,” he says dryly. It takes them a moment, but they all jump back to work, muttering to each other and making faces when they think he’s not looking. But all Levi can think about is Erwin’s _face_ and the complete lack of anything on it. What the fuck is going on?

“Captain?” Jean says, and Levi looks at him, snapped out of his own thoughts. “Was there any news on Eren?” His whole face is pinched, but there’s a gleam of hope in his eyes that Levi really hates to extinguish.

“He’s still with the MPs, but we’re working on getting him out of there,” Levi says. It’s not a lie.

“Okay, sir,” Jean responds, nodding to himself. He starts to go back to his work, but stops, turning to Levi again. “Are… are you alright, sir? You don’t look so good.”

“I’ll be fine, Kirstein,” Levi snaps, not meaning to.

“Does that mean you’re not fine right now?” Jean presses, putting his notes down. Great. The last thing Levi needs is a worried kid on his case.

“Just get back to work Kirst- _erk_ , fuck, _move,_ ” Levi grinds out as he shoves Jean out of the way, so he can make it to the wastebasket under the desk he’s working at. Levi throws up his lunch as Jean yelps and falls on his ass from being throw off balance. It causes Connie to jump in fright, bumping Ymir who had been flirting with Krista and now, falls into her lap. Books go flying, chairs fall over, Moblit’s yelling. The ruckus is enough to have Hange and Erwin bursting back into the room to find new recruits fallen over each other, papers flying through the air, and Levi hunched over a waste-bin like a damn gremlin.

“What happened?” Erwin demands. His eyes land on Levi first, checking him over.

“Uh, well,” Jean starts, but Levi cuts him off.

“I had a moment and startled the rest of them,” he says. There’s an edge to his voice that quiets the group. Erwin is frowning. “I’m taking the rest of the day off,” he snaps, shoving the wastebasket away from him. He keeps his eyes focused ahead on nothing, not looking at his squad, Moblit, Hange, and most certainly _not_ Erwin as he leaves.

* * *

 Levi finishes his book around dinner time and heads down to the mess hall. He can’t avoid them all forever and besides, he’s hungry. He’s eating for two now, anyway. He has a feeling Hange will scold him if he doesn’t eat all his meals, even if he’s feeling queasy.

He still can’t forget Erwin’s reaction. Or rather, lack thereof.

Someone must be looking out for him, because Levi doesn’t run into his partner on the way down _or_ in the mess hall. But he does see his new squad and they all clamor for his attention, waving arms or nodding respectfully to him depending on their personality. He indulges them because it’s something else to do rather than think of his predicament.

“Are you eating in the mess, sir?” Sasha asks, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and then wiping that hand on her pants.

“Use a napkin,” Levi responds blandly, and though she blushes, she does take the napkin Mikasa hands her. “As for your question, yes. I think I will if you all don’t mind making room.”

Sasha shoves Connie down the bench and moves with him so she can stay across from Mikasa. It leaves Levi sitting near Jean across from Armin. That much, at least, is a blessing. He can handle these two.

The rest of dinner is spent listening to the squad bicker and eat, everyone carefully avoiding the topic of Eren, his predicament, or the Commander. Levi thinks the last one is for his sake, and he’s touched that these brats would make the effort for him. Not that he thinks they would be talking much about the Commander anyway, but what the hell did he know about their private conversations? If their training with him went well, though, he would soon be a part of them anyway.

They’re all loitering in the mess hall, no one really wanting to go to bed, when Eren bursts through the doors.

“Eren!” Jean and Mikasa yelp at the same time. Armin spins in his seat to look at his friend, while Sasha and Krista cheer. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir are quieter, but there’s a definite look of relief on their faces. Connie looks shocked into a smile.

“Did they do anything to you?” Jean says, running to meet him halfway.

“Yes, like torture or threats? Abuse in anyway?” Mikasa adds. Levi does not envy Eren having _those_ two care about him. Between the both of them, he’s sure they could come up with dozens of terrifying things those asshole MPs could have pulled off.

“Besides tight shackles, they were fine,” Eren says, eyes bright. Either of his hands are held in Jean’s and Mikasa’s. He looks so content. “The Commander didn’t let anything terrible happen to me.”

“He better not,” Mikasa murmurs with vitriol under her breath. Levi is going to have to work on that with her.

“How did you get out?” Armin asks when Jean and Mikasa drag Eren over to their table in the now-empty mess.

“The Commander came in with new research that was found on the titans yesterday,” Eren starts, and already Levi’s alarm bells are ringing. What the hell had Hange discovered about the titans yesterday? They hadn’t told Levi anything. Was this a ploy? “They would need to confirm that my blood may have this property too, so they released me into Commanders Smith’s and Zoë’s custody.” But not his, Levi realizes. Eren is not in his custody any more. What the fuck is going on? Of course, then Eren catches sight of him. “Captain Levi, sir!” he yelps, looking startled. “Shouldn’t you be getting your rest?”

The second the words are out, Eren realizes his mistake and slaps both hands over his mouth, but it’s too late. Levi’s figured it out.

Erwin told the higher ups about Levi’s condition in order to get Eren out of the MP’s prison.

Eren must have been present for it, or at least heard the explanation behind what was going on and figured out it was Levi Erwin was talking about. A lot doesn’t make sense, like how this relates to Eren. Why would that fluid be in his blood? It had been on the outside of the titan that had burst out of its host. And why does it even matter that Eren could have that property? He’s more useful to them killing titans than trying to pop out a baby like Levi is. He can’t make sense of it.

“Where’s the Commander?” he snaps, slamming his tray down as he stands. He’s so angry that it’s past anger. He just feels a white-hot calm that makes everything snap so clearly into place.

“Uh – he’s uh, discussing next steps with Commander Zoë,” Eren stutters out. “Sir.” Levi pushes off from the table and starts off. “But sir!” Eren yelps. Levi ignores him.

“There’s something else going on, Eren,” Jean murmurs.

“I know _exactly_ what’s going on,” Eren snaps, to everyone’s surprise. “I just can’t say anything yet. Maybe not ever.”

It’s the last thing Levi hears before he disappears out the door and heads to Hange’s lab.

* * *

 Levi doesn’t mean to be dramatic and slam through Hange’s door, but that’s what he ends up doing. Both Hange and Erwin look over to the door at his entrance, but only Hange looks caught out. Erwin’s face is still curiously blank.

“What did you do?” Levi says, eyes on Erwin.

“I did what was best for our comrades,” Erwin replies.

“Yes, using _my body_   without _my permission_ ,” Levi snarls. “What bullshit are you playing at Commander?”

“Levi, listen,” Hange starts.

“No,” Erwin says, cutting them off. “He’s right; he deserves an explanation.”

“Well, then?” Levi says. He’s trusted Erwin up until this point, even when the man doesn’t tell him everything, but something is different this time. Yes, Levi has never denied the man use of his body in multiple senses of the word, but this time… there’s something in there that’s more than just him and he wants to protect it. It’s a bit terrifying that a bunch of cells rapidly multiplying inside of him are making him want to punch Erwin in the face.

“I proposed to Zackly that we had knowledge of a different form of reproduction. It could help us repopulate humanity, if it comes to it. We have proof that it works, at least in some individuals, and Commander Zoë was able to provide that proof in their slides and slide comparisons. Our theory is that if this fluid worked once, it can work again. But the only source we know of comes from a born-titan,” Erwin starts.

“Like Eren,” Levi says, still tense.

“Yes, like Eren. Hange now has the opportunity to run tests on Eren’s blood to see if he has any of the fluids that the first titan we dealt with had,” Erwin continues, face blank and voice steady. “We now have two reasons to have custody of Eren, and in so doing, we have more claim to him than Nile and the Military Police. Therefore, he was returned to our custody, under the conditions that we send Zackly monthly updates, any data we collect, and that we keep those who are privy to this information to a minimum.” Erwin finishes and waits.

“They just went for it?” Levi asks, unconvinced.

“We have hard evidence,” Hange says, lifting their box of slides, pointing to the microscope and their notes. Then they point to Levi. “And you.”

“You told them it was me,” Levi says, wondering why his voice sounds so flat.

“Well, actually-” Hange starts.

“We told them we wanted to keep the known individual’s identity to ourselves, as we did not want them to befall any sort of danger or public scrutiny as they are male and had relations with another male to come to this situation. As this ‘anonymous’ individual has become just as important as Eren, I told Zackly that I would put _you_ on the immediate defense team of this individual to maintain their safety,” Erwin cuts in.

But that doesn’t make much sense, not to Levi. He doubts that could have worked. Erwin is lying to him and Levi isn’t sure why, but he definitely knows he doesn’t like it.

“Well, at least I know you’re not afraid to lie to my face without telling me first,” Levi says, hating that his voice is so cold. A crease appears between Erwin’s brows, but Levi doesn’t care that he put it there. “Fine, you told them _something_ that appeased them and were able to get me time off. What now?”

“Now, we follow your pregnancy and report back in,” Erwin says lightly. There’s still something off. Why won’t he just tell Levi? Does he think Levi can’t handle it? This is _his_ body going through these changes; Levi deserves to know. How can Erwin not trust him with what’s already his? This isn’t like with Eren and the mystery mole, where Erwin doesn’t know who he can trust, who’s lying to him, who’s using him. Levi is right here, telling Erwin about his pregnancy, _trusting him_ with it.

Why can’t Erwin do the same?

“We need to talk,” Levi says to Erwin, ignoring Hange. Hange looks like they want to say something, several somethings. They must know something Levi doesn’t, but Levi isn’t sure that Erwin has asked them not to say anything. “Alone.”

“I know,” Erwin replies easily. He nods to Hange. “You have your assignment. Any questions?”

“Maybe, but they can wait,” Hange says, looking between the two of them as though they are a ticking time bomb. Levi is starting to think they are.

“Alright, let me know,” Erwin says. “Levi?” He nods to the door, allowing Levi to exit first.

Their walk up to Erwin’s room is quiet and tense. Levi can feel the silence between them as though it were a physical thing, a wall forcing them apart. This isn’t what babies are meant to do to their parents; they’re meant to bring the individuals together, not rip them away from each other. But it seems that nothing about these circumstances can be normal, not even the emotional outcome.

The second Erwin shuts the door behind them, Levi is turning on him, vitriol in his soul.

“There’s shit you aren’t telling me; be honest at least about that,” he spits.

“Yes,” Erwin replies, looking Levi dead in the eye.

“I never asked because I didn’t think I had to,” Levi starts. He stops, gets a grip on himself so his voice doesn’t become hysterical. “But it seems like I should have. Do you even want it?” _The baby. A family. Me._

“This child could be the future. Its process of creation could save humanity,” Erwin says carefully.

It’s like a blow to the gut. Maybe it’s only been a day, but Levi has been entertaining the idea: a family of him, Erwin, and this child. Finally, something for Levi to fight for besides just wanting to support Erwin or getting revenge on the titans for taking so much of what he loved. Levi and Erwin, he doesn’t think they’ve ever confessed their love for one another, but he thought it was obvious in their actions that they did. Right now, Levi is wondering if he’s been wrong all along, if maybe he feels more deeply for Erwin than Erwin does for him. Because this. This whole thing had been terrifying, but then Levi had started thinking about how _amazing_ it could be. And they were Levi and Erwin, they would make it work _somehow_.

He didn’t expect Erwin to be treating their unborn child like a fucking _science experiment._

“What’s my role in this, then?” Levi asks, looking at the wall. He can’t look at this man right now, because his chest is so tight, and he hasn’t felt this devastated since Farlan and Isabel died.

“Take care of your body and child,” Erwin says, voice soft. “Rest. Check in with Hange and stay off the field. You can train your new squad, just once you start… getting larger, don’t do any hands-on demonstrations. Start wearing cloaks now so it’s less obvious when you use them to hide your shape. If we go out in the field, we’re not taking you, so come to peace with that.”

Levi wants to fight him on it, but there’s a side of him that’s still hoping there’s a bigger, more important reason for all of this. Erwin has a point. He does, and Levi must trust in that. The sad fact is that he _does_ trust in that. That’s not the problem here anymore, Levi realizes. What he’s not so trusting in right now is Erwin’s feelings for him, Erwin’s love for him. That’s what hurts so much right now.

“Right. Fine,” Levi says, making for the door. “I’m telling my squad at least. I won’t tell them it’s yours, don’t worry. I’d be surprised if Eren hasn’t said anything yet, anyway.”

“That’s fine,” Erwin says, voice tight and troubled. “If you think you can trust them.”

“I can.”

“Levi,” Erwin says as Levi’s hand closes around the door knob. “Where are you going?”

Levi closes his eyes for a moment. “I need some time,” Levi says. “Alone. To think.”

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” Erwin says, not really asking, though there is a note of pleading in his tone that Levi is trying to ignore.

“I don’t think you want to hear any of that,” Levi admits.

“I know this is difficult right now,” Erwin says, voice going soft. “And I apologize. But I need some time to finish sorting things out, and when I do, I’ll tell you everything. I just need you to continue trusting me.”

“I do trust you,” Levi says, his laugh coming out harsh and a bit broken. “That’s what sucks about all this.”

He leaves. It’s the first time in years that Levi sleeps alone.


	2. We Rise Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Levi,” Erwin sighs. Levi looks up at him. Erwin doesn’t continue.
> 
> “I miss you,” Levi says into the silence. Erwin’s eyes widen. “We need to talk.”
> 
> “I can’t tell you everything. Not yet,” Erwin says. It’s the same thing he’s repeated to Levi for almost three months. It’s getting old.
> 
> “What?” Levi demands. “When then? Never? Either get yourself together and treat me like an equal or don’t come back, then!” Levi yells. He leaves.  
> _  
> Later, Levi is alone in his room, laying on his back while his little minion swishes around like a mad-person inside of him, leaving him with no rest. He makes plans in his head and tries not to think of his last words to Erwin.
> 
> With a clearer head, Levi realizes he had told the man to either talk to him or die out on the field.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is halfway done. Then this'll be done. 
> 
> Also, there's a comment in reference to Levi x Eren that ... is not ship-bashing, because it's not, but it _is_ pointing out that a 30+ year old adult and a 15/16 year old teenager having a relationship is creepy and predatory.
> 
> Just thought I'd give a heads up. And there's no sexy times in this one, sad to say. Because the next one is gonna have _plenty_ of it. 
> 
> Linea negra - black line in latin, and pregnant people usually get a black line down their stomach. All of the pregnancy things are real things my friends. This chapter also has talks and plans of abortion, but hopefully in a very pro-choice light, as I am pro-choice and would like my characters to reflect that. If there's language issues, let me know so I can correct it. It takes me $0 to tag triggers or fix triggering language, so I encourage people to reach out to me if something seems troublesome or bothers them. 
> 
> Also, lots of Levi out of the loop and getting fucken pissed off. And he tells the kids. AND hints from the manga and anime that Reiner and Bertholdt are the armoured and colossal titans, respectively, but in my version, they're getting super, duper soft and wanna just stick around and help their new squad. Sue me. (Don't actually sue me, please, I'm broke.)

 He stays in his own, assigned room for about a month.

There’s been moments like this in his and Erwin’s relationship before, don’t get him wrong. It’s just that, the last time this had happened, it was two years in and Levi needed to reevaluate what he wanted and who he wanted it from, if he deserved something good like this. It had only taken him a week and he had been right back into Erwin’s arms, in the end. This is different. Levi thinks of Erwin and feels a terrible pull in his gut. Because he can’t get rid of this kid, he sort of doesn’t  _want_  to get rid of it anyway, and Erwin is… well, Erwin cares, just not in the right way. He’s prioritizing humanity over something that’s half  _his_  and if that just isn’t the most Erwin thing to do, then what is?

Levi might find it hilarious if he hadn’t been the one caught in the middle of it.

As it is, he sees Erwin a lot, for some reason. Mostly, it’s when the MPs or Zackly are around, like Erwin is trying to show them a front of solidarity. And yes, Levi will defend Erwin until the day he dies, but there’s something off about this interaction too. And Erwin won’t tell him why. It’s frustrating.

“If there’s something I could have been doing all these years for you to trust me on something like this, why didn’t you say anything?” Levi asks one afternoon after they leave a meeting. Mike has the sense to fall back a few steps.

“This has nothing to do with trusting you or not, Levi,” Erwin says without looking down at Levi. Levi doesn’t ask him about that anymore. And then: “Are you coming back?”

Levi hates how the question sounds so careful, how Erwin isn’t looking at him as though to protect himself from the answer he knows is coming.

“Not tonight,” Levi says, voice low. He knows Erwin heard him though, just by the nod he sees and the small sigh of disappointment he hears somewhere above his head.

So, no. Levi isn’t really alone and he misses Erwin  _a lot_ , but he respects himself and the thing he’s carrying enough to not engage with Erwin just yet. And besides. He has those kids that he finally told. It had gone something like this:

“So, if you’re having a baby because you got that titan fluid in you and now you can, then that means you had to have um, been with a man, right?” Connie asked, face red.

Levi sighed, long and loud, out through his nose. “Yes, Connie. Is there a problem?”

“What? Oh! No, no, sir. There’s nothing wrong with that!” Connie had backtracked. “It’s just, I’ve never met someone who was a man that also liked a man.”

Levi frowned and looked at Reiner, whose head was in his hands as he moaned, and Ymir who was looking up to the heaven’s like some higher power was testing her. Sasha and Krista were holding back laughs and looking at each other as though they were in on a huge secret, which it seemed like they were if one asked Connie.

Jean, however, had enough. “Can I just – can I just tell him? Please? Please, someone,  _anyone._ Let me tell him!” he yelled, charging over to a terrified looking Connie.

“Tell me what?” Connie yelled back.

“Jean, maybe relax,” Eren suggested, though he looked just as irritated with Connie.

“Relax? Eren, he walked in on us making out and asked us why we jumped apart if we were just helping each other fix our 3DMG straps!” Jean screamed, gesturing at the offending comrade. “How do we just relax after  _that?!_ ”

“You two were making out?” Connie yelped. “Right there, in the bathroom? That’s gross! Do that on your own time! Some of us want to pee without having to hear people making those sucky, spitty noises!”

Mikasa looked at Connie with a furrow in her brow. “ _That’s_  your only problem with it?”

“Well, yeah,” Connie said, scratching his bald head. “Why would I have a problem with anything else? You can all like who you like, you know.” He shrugged. “Just, like. No one wants to see people’s tongues battling for dominance or whatever.”

“I think we’ve just been too subtle for him,” Bertholdt said with a small laugh.

“Impossible,” Ymir answered. “I had my hands down Krista’s pants once and he asked me if we were comparing belt buckles.” Krista turned bright red and hit her girlfriend on the arm repeatedly while bemoaning her loss of privacy. Ymir just laughed and told her how cute she looked.

“You were  _what?”_  Connie yelled. “Don’t do that in public, that’s disgusting! Also, did you wash your hands before? Because that day you were working in the garden!”

“I really hope you did,” Levi said, trying to get them back on track to the  _real_  line of questioning. It got everyone quiet and listening again, at least. “Any more questions?”

“Who’s the other dad?” Connie asked. Jean smacked him upside the head as Armin sighed and shook his own.

“You can’t just ask him that! If he didn’t share, then he didn’t want to share,” Sasha said, hands waving around.

“Sasha’s correct,” Levi answered. “Look, other father aside, do you have any serious questions?”

“When are you due?” Armin asked.

“Another five months, give or take,” Levi said. “Hange will perform the procedure. It’s under wraps; you can’t tell anyone about this except the people already in this room.”

“Is this why you and the Commander have been at odds lately?” Mikasa asked. The room went silent. Levi rubbed his temples. What to do about that?

“… in some respects, yes,” Levi admitted. “I’ll need everyone’s help keeping this quiet and making sure others don’t notice that I’ve been getting more secluded or that I’m wearing more layers than usual.”

“Yes, sir!” they all yelped together. Levi rolled his eyes.

“Well, that settles that, then,” Levi responded.

“Really, who else is with each other?” Connie asked as they all walked out of Levi’s room, which no one had commented was different than where they were the last time. Not even Connie had, but then, he may have genuinely not noticed the difference in location if today’s conversation were to be believed.

“Besides Jean and Eren, and Ymir and Krista?” Armin said. “Well, Reiner and Bertholdt have been with each other since before the cadets. Um, and I think Mikasa…?”

“Sasha and I are together,” Mikasa intoned, looking forward as she passed the two boys. Beside her, Sasha gave a small squeal in excitement and shot Connie two thumbs-up. Connie smiled wide and shot them right back, genuine happiness for Sasha on his face.

And that was that.

Now, several weeks later, Levi thinks about it as he watches them train. He’s teaching them specific maneuvers and group formations that he and Erwin had created together for the special forces squad. Now that he has twice as many soldiers as his old squad, he can have them in two formations that converge. It’s actually really convenient and in a few more weeks, they’ll have it down perfectly. 

Mikasa is a natural, and Levi wonders if it has anything to do with her surname. Maybe their family just had a knack for this kind of shit. But she leads with such deadly grace and perfect execution. That, paired with Armin’s feel for everyone’s strengths and weakness gave two leaders for smaller pocket squadrons within his squad. Armin had done a wonderful job at splitting his friends into groups where the members would facilitate each other’s talents. Right now, they’re all smiling through gritted teeth as they run their drills. They know they’re succeeding. Levi let’s them have it just this once.

“Well, well,” Levi says to himself, though he is directing the words downwards. “Looks like they’re not a bunch of useless fools after all. Now, if only I can get them to clean their barracks and wash their hands regularly, I could count this as a win.”

Levi has his cloak wrapped around him. He thanks everything above and below him that the days have been oddly chilly for the middle of summer. Otherwise, he would be sweating through everything and that’s not fun at all. As it is, a few people have already given him side looks, but he’s always been a master at ignoring the irrelevant. Besides, his stomach has really started to round out. It’s not a huge thing, but Levi notices, and he can’t wear his uniform shirt tucked in anymore. He hates how an untucked shirt looks, so the cloak it is. If he had still been sleeping in Erwin’s room, he would just steal one of the other man’s but…

He shakes his head, hating how upset he still feels. He can’t expect them to want all of the same things all the time. No couple works like that, no relationship is like that. He has to deal with this, somehow. But then again, it’s not like they’re fighting over wanting a dog or something. This is a fucking human child. Or at least, it will be. Levi isn’t sure if the thing in him qualifies as alive yet.

He shifts where he stands and pulls his shirt from his chest. Fuck, his nipples have been so sensitive lately. Hange had told him this would happen, but Levi sort of hates it right now. He’s somewhere between turned on and in agonizing pain with the way the fabric of his shirt is rubbing him. It’s sort of the worst. The most he can do right now though, is watch his squad and catalogue everything they can improve on. While they are doing spectacularly well, there is always room for improvement. The distraction works for a while. But an hour later, he’s still uncomfortable. All he wants to do is find Erwin and demand the man either massage his chest to chase the discomfort away or suck his nipples until Levi comes. He honestly doesn’t know which he would prefer at this point.

“Fall in!” Levi calls, needing to get out of the sun. They’ve been going at it for a while anyway. He’s sure they could use a break.

Everyone finishes their set of exercises and jogs over, falling into a line. They’re all red in the face, breathing heavily, their sleeves rolled up to their elbows, jackets having been discarded long ago. Levi goes down the line and gives them all specific pointers and areas to work on. Then he stands in front of them all and outlines where they needed to improve as a group. Everyone is nodding and a few of them are even taking notes, which he would laugh at, but he knows how forgetful these kids can be. By the time they’re finished, another hour has passed, and Levi is fucking starving. He rubs his eyes and declares it time to eat, even though the mess is probably closed. They know how to make food and he has permission to use the kitchens.

It takes another hour for them all to be sitting in the empty mess hall with hot potato soup and fresh rolls. Levi is just glad that they’re finally eating.

“So, I have another question,” Connie says with his mouth full. Levi has also been doing etiquette and cleaning with them. But for some, he thinks it may be a losing battle. Connie, for instance, is one of those.

“Chew then talk,” Levi responds, trying not to let it show on his face just how grossed out he is. Armin hides a smile behind his roll.

“Oh,” Connie says, giving everyone who happened to be looking at him a terrible view of his half-chewed food. He closes his mouth, finishes chewing, swallows, and speaks. Alright, so maybe Levi is getting somewhere with the kid, even if he usually has to prod. “So, what does Eren have to do with this whole uh.” He stops and points to Levi’s ever-swelling abdomen. “You know. That.”

“The way I understand it is that Eren’s blood probably has the same fluid in it that I came into contact with from that titan,” Levi explains before taking another spoonful of soup into his mouth.

“So, Eren could also… make people have babies?” Connie says. “Maybe?” Levi nods, chewing. Then Connie’s face turns to a mask of horror and Levi can’t wait for whatever the hell went across that kid’s mind to come out of his mouth. “Holy shit, is Eren the one who…?” He points vigorously to Levi’s stomach.

Everyone at the table groans in unison, Jean, Eren, and Levi all wearing matching faces of absolute disgust.

“I’m 32, Connie,” Levi says, trying not to crack. “Why the hell would I  _ever_  want to have sex with a 15 year old?”

“Well, 16 soon,” Eren says.

“My point still stands,” Levi snaps, shoving a piece of bread into his mouth.

“I was just… thinking out loud,” Connie mumbles mulishly into his soup.

“Please don’t,” Jean asks shaking his whole body. “God, that’s so gross. The Captain isn’t a predator, Connie. And besides he's with…” Jean stops. That had been one thing none of the others had explained to Connie, though Levi is pretty sure they all suspect him and Erwin. “Besides, Eren’s with me,” Jean finishes instead, changing gears. He throws an arm around Eren’s shoulders where the other boy is sitting beside him.

“Yeah, that I got. You two sure are touchy when it’s just our squad around,” Connie complains. “How come no one wants to give  _me_  that many hugs?” Levi could actually laugh; of all the reasons to be annoyed with his friends’ love lives, this was why?

“That’s cos you’re annoying,” Reiner says with a laugh that may be tinged with relief.

“If you wanted a hug, you could just ask,” Krista offers.

“Not from Krista!” Ymir says immediately after.

“I can hug who I want!” Krista insists.

“I want a hug!” Connie yells above her.

“You’re all wild animals, shut up for a bit,” Levi murmurs as they all start to yell over each other. He sighs. “Or at least lower your voices.” He hasn’t vomited in two weeks, which he’s pretty excited about. But between the occasional headache, his nipples, and this ghastly urge to always pee, he’s starting to get worn down.

His fucking ankles have been achy as well and he just knows they’ve been threatening to swell.

“Hey, keep it down idiots,” Mikasa snaps, the table hushing. “Be courteous of the Captain. I doubt he wants to hear us all yelling like buffoons.” They all turn to look at Levi, clutching his head with one hand and nursing his hot cup of tea with the other.

“Well, she’s not wrong,” he agrees with a shrug.

“Apologies, Captain!” Eren yells, the noise going right through Levi’s head.

“Maybe apologize a bit softer, Yaeger,” he says. Eren blushes and ducks his head, but he nods all the same and does stay quiet. “I should go rest, actually. Or rather, check in with Hange and then rest. Go make yourselves useful. Help Hange out after I’m done with them or loan yourselves out to a squad that’s cleaning up. Or better yet.” He stands and stretches. “Go clean your barracks using the techniques I showed you last week. I want to check it later, see if it’s up to my standards.” But they don’t acknowledge his words or go off. They just stare. “What?”

Levi looks down and realizes his cloak had shifted when he stretched, exposing his midriff. His untucked shirt and gently swelling stomach are on display for his squad to see. He knows he’s petite and that if he were bigger, his baby-bump would be less visible at this stage. But he’s thin and small, so it’s already a bit obnoxious for his tastes.

“Can you feel them move yet, Captain?” Sasha asks, voice suddenly soft as she looks at his bellybutton. The damn thing has started to push outwards. He hates it.

“Not yet, no,” Levi admits, rearranging his cloak to hide himself again. They all still look at him in wonder. He sighs. “But I’ll let you all know when I do,” he concedes.

“Really?” Sasha blurts. She puts both hands over her mouth, though her comrades look just as excited as she does. “I mean, thank you Captain! We appreciate it.”

“Yes, we do, Captain,” Armin says, looking soft around his eyes.

Jeez. These damn kids are going to be the death of him. And they aren’t even biologically his.

“You have your orders,” he tells them, and they all go serious and nod in unison. As he turns to leave, Levi can’t help the small smile on his face. “Dumbasses,” he mutters.

* * *

 

 Later, while they’re all focused on cleaning different aspects of the barracks they share, Armin catches the sound of voices heatedly discussing something in whispers down the hall a few feet from their door. He’s supposed to be going out for another mop, but he presses against the wall and listens. The voices are coming from around the corner.

“…as nothing to do with our mission. Right?” That’s definitely Reiner. Now that Armin thinks about it, he and Bertholdt had volunteered to get fresh rags from the laundry scrap pile so they could all clean with. Most of them had just assumed they had been taking advantage of their moment alone. But this sounds different. They’re not on a secret romantic rendezvous.

“Correct,” and there’s Bertholdt, trying to be soothing, calming. “We don’t have to report this. It’s… a fluke of science. It’s not what we’re looking for and it’s not our main reason to be here. We’re not here for the Captain, the Commander,  _or_ any love child that may come from them.”

Armin is… well, not surprised, really. Most of them suspected, but what’s really odd is the fact that maybe these two may be in the Scouting Legion as… spies? But for whom? That’s the real question. Armin trusts them, because it sounds like they’re checking in with each other just to be sure that they both want to protect the Captain as much as the rest of them. And it sounds like they do, if their justifications to each other are anything to go by.

“Exactly. We know what we need to do. We can keep this between us, right?” Reiner asks, always the less sure of the two.

It almost sounds like Bertholdt is smiling. “I’m not telling if you’re not, Reiner.” Then he laughs and so does Reiner. Armin is suspicious. But that can wait. Levi and the baby are safe for now and it sounds like whatever these two have been sent to do, they’re making the squad their top priority, and at this point, this is all that Armin can ask for. He does make a note of it, and he will be telling both the Captain and the Commander. If anything, maybe they know more about why Annie is here than they’re letting on. And if this has nothing to do with her but rather the higher-ups in the Capitol, well.

It’s starting to sound like Reiner and Bertholdt are switching loyalties to the Scouts. And Armin can’t be mad about that.

* * *

 

 Levi makes it to Hange’s lab just as they raise their voice at whoever is in there with them. He stops just shy of knocking on the door.

“… tell him!” they yell. “This is wrong, and you know it. I don’t see how bad it is that he should know.”

“This is how captains act when their commander does something stupid,” says Erwin and Levi’s breath catches. He may have been seeing a lot of the man, but that doesn’t mean they say anything meaningful when they’re around each other. “They can’t find out it’s him, or else every precaution that I put in place to protect him is ruined.”

“It’s yours, isn’t it?” Hange says and the silence in the room is deafening. Levi is afraid one of them will hear him breathing outside in the hallway. “How long have you two been together?”

“I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to catch on to,” Erwin says.

“Well, then. Must have been going on for a while for you not to give me an answer,” Hange replies. To their credit, they only sound a little put out. “You two are very good at hiding, even from us. I can see why it was necessary, but now that I know, you can just tell me.”

“I haven’t discussed it prior with Levi,” Erwin says tightly, and Levi appreciates that even though they are, in their own way, arguing and taking a break, Erwin is still adamant that their boundaries and privacy be respected.

“Ah,” Hange says. “Well, I stand by my opinion.”

“And I stand by mine,” Erwin counters. He sighs, and Levi can imagine the strain showing on his face. “Don’t you think he has enough to deal with right now?”

“But you’re missing so many moments with him because of this!” Hange whines. Something aches behind Levi’s breastbone. He tries to ignore it and fails.

“Then so be it,” Erwin says with that stupid edge of determination in his voice. “It’s worth it.”

Now, more than ever, Levi wants to know what the fuck is going on. If Hange is right, and they usually are, all Erwin has to do to fix what’s between them is tell Levi what his plan is. But he refuses to, and it’s making everyone’s life so much harder. Levi wants to hit a wall, but he needs his body right now. It will have to wait. Though, none of this really solves the problem of Erwin not actually wanting children. He should just come out and say it.

It’s been quiet in there for too long, and Levi is getting nervous that someone is about to walk out and find him lurking about. Best to make his move now.

He knocks and enters, saying, “I hope I’m not interrupting you Han- Erwin.” He hopes the surprise on his face looks genuine, especially because he had not been expecting to find Erwin looking so strained and disturbed. When he catches sight of Levi, though, he schools his features and tries to hide the pain away. Levi hates it.

“Levi,” Erwin says. He nods to him and then turns to Hange. “I’ll leave you two be then, shall I?” He takes his leave, walking so close to Levi that their arms brush. Levi wonders if he imagines Erwin taking a deep breath as though to catch a whiff of Levi’s scent as he walks by. But then the man is gone, and all Levi can feel is a deep-seated annoyance and hurt.

“I’m guessing you’re not allowed to tell me what’s going on?” Levi says to Hange. They nod to him, though they also looked rather peeved. “Wonderful.”

“How are you feeling?” Hange asks. “You're just starting month four. Any changes?”

“I’ve stopped vomiting,” he says, sitting down. “But I’m starting to get achy in places I’d rather not be achy.”

“Ooh! Where?” Hange asks, rubbing their hands together in excitement. They look around and snatch up a pencil and notebook to start taking notes.

The next forty-five minutes consists of Levi telling Hange about the changes in his body and Hange cataloguing each of them. They then measure Levi’s weight and stomach circumference before taking his blood pressure and checking his heartbeat. He sits through it patiently, trying not to roll his eyes or huff. He has patience, sure, but it’s not a never-ending well and he already had to employ most of it with his squad today.

“Done?” he asks when they step back.

“Mmm,” they murmur. “Have you felt any movement yet?”

“No,” Levi says and yawns. The fatigue has been getting better. At this rate, by the end of the week, he’ll be back on his feet without feeling drowsy all the time.

“Let me know when you do. By the start of month six you should feel it. During month five you should feel stirring. I don’t think anyone else will be able to feel it at that point if they touch you, but by the end of your second trimester we will! How exciting!” They clap to emphasize the point and scribble some more things down in their notebook. “Very good. Well, you seem to be coming along quite well. Any emotional upsets?”

“Not really, and if there were, you know I’m more than capable of handling it,” Levi says with a raised eyebrow.

“Just checking because I care,” Hange says with a grin. But the grin shrinks and they’re looking at Levi just a bit too long.

“What?”

“I’ll talk to you about it some other time,” they say, shaking their head. Levi knows what this is about. But he understands that Hange doesn’t want to say anything until Erwin has discussed with him their relationship and telling others. Although, Levi is left wondering where the hell their relationship is going if one of them doesn’t actually want to take part in the whole parenting thing coming their way like an unbound train.

“Fine,” Levi says. “Can I go now?”

“You may, Captain,” Hange says. “Take care of your body. Eat right. Rest. Take naps. Oooh, I envy you the naps you will be able to take!” they moan. “I would love a nap.”

“Yeah, I’ll remember to take an extra one for you, Glasses,” Levi laughs. He arranges his cloak and leaves Hange to their work. Maybe he’ll take their advice and lay down for a nap. He feels like he could use it right now.

“How much did you hear?” Levi doesn’t jump, because he knows Erwin isn’t stupid. He must have seen Levi’s face and realized he heard  _something_. He turns to the man where he’s standing in the dimness of the hall, just a few feet from Levi.

“Just the last part about you  _still_  not wanting to tell me what you’re up to. Hange seems to think it would fix things between us,” Levi says, leaning against the wall and folding his arms across his chest. They rest right on top of his stomach, and he tries not to be too self-conscious about it.

“They want to know about our relationship,” Erwin explains.

Levi shrugs, looking away and down the hall. “Tell them whatever you want. I trust Hange. Might be nice to have someone on my side, for once. And if you want to, you can talk to Mike. I know you two are close.”

“Thank you,” Erwin says. It’s quiet and Levi is fighting every instinct inside him that’s telling him to toss himself into Erwin’s arms, consequences be damned. But he doesn’t. “Is there anything I can get for you?” Erwin asks. “For your rooms, I mean? I saw you moved your things in there, but I wanted to be sure you were completely comfortable.”

“I’m fine,” Levi responds, but it comes out harsher than he meant. Fuck, he really needs to sleep. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’ve just been having difficulties sleeping. I can’t find a comfortable position with this lump in front of me.”

Erwin frowns. “It’s not a lump.”

“Oh right,” Levi sneers. “Sorry. Can’t insult humanity’s future in front of you.” He scoffs and pushes off the wall. “You just reminded me why I’m not talking to you right now, you asshole. Thanks.”

And with that, Levi is gone.

* * *

 

He doesn’t want to go back to the room he  _doesn’t_  share with Erwin, so Levi heads to his squad’s barracks to check out their work. All the recruits are still cleaning, helping each other out, and singing some song they all learned together while in the cadets. Levi watches silently from the doorway for a few minutes and then leaves them to it. He’ll come back later.

Levi goes for a walk in the garden they keep. Some of their produce they plant and harvest themselves, but a lot of it comes from cities. Their gardens are still here though, to teach soldiers that they don’t just have to be killing machines. They can help things grow as well. Levi loved spending hours in the garden, under the sun when the days had been slow. He can’t really bend now, which is a nuisance. And gardening had always been enjoyable because Erwin would roll up his sleeves and pants and get into the soil with him.

This is becoming more of a hassle than anything else. Levi just wants to go  _home_ , because Erwin has always been his home. Levi feels displaced, more than a little lost. It’s not fair.

“Life isn’t fair,” he says to himself, kicking a rock out of the garden. He needs to remind himself to get some of his squad out here to weed the gardens. It would be a shame for anything to go to waste because no one was paying attention. As it is, he waters the plants and enjoys the brisk breeze blowing through.

By the time he comes back inside, the kids are ready for their barracks to be checked. They’ve done a decent job, but there’s still dust in places Levi would never have left it and the room still needs to be aired out, the windows scrubbed, the mattresses aired. He leaves them to their new assignment, only a few groaning just to be hushed by the others.

“This is better than dying as titan fodder,” Jean snaps to a whining Connie.

“But my fingers are all pruny from dunking my brush in a bucket!” Connie replies.

“At least you have fingers,” Armin offers.

“We  _all_  have fingers;  _you_  have fingers!” Connie yells and peals of laughter follow Levi as he walks down the hall. There’s a smile on his face even as he makes it back to his room.

The door is cracked open.

Levi’s hands go to his waist, but he doesn’t have any gear on or his swords. They don’t fit his waist anymore. But there’s someone in his room, or rather there  _was._  Everything is silent now. But the fact remains that he shut his door this morning and that someone has been through and left it opened a bit. It’s not a large detail, anyone could have done it, but it’s enough to get Levi going.

He opens the door quickly and looks about the room for any signs of an intruder touching his things or looking through his papers. But all he finds are extra pillows on his bed with a note pinned to them saying,

_I wish you a better night’s rest. -E. S._

* * *

 

 “So, you two just carried on for years behind our backs?” Hange says the next time Levi comes in. It’s been about three weeks. Shit, he’ll be officially five months pregnant next week. He’s halfway through this bullshit. He feels larger, has been waking up with lower-back pain, and his ankles are definitely swelling. If this is what’s ushering in month six, Levi is already afraid of the month itself.

“That does tend to be what a secret relationship implies,” Levi responds sighing. He has his shirt off so Hange can press around and make sure everything is alright. He’s been feeling swishing inside of him; at least, that’s the best he can describe it. Hange assures him it’s normal, that he’s feeling the baby start to make it’s first movements. He feels it happening while with Hange and asks them to press against his side, but they don’t register it.

“That’s normal, too,” Hange says with a shrug. “There are theories that it can hear you now, so try singing to it and maybe it’ll stop moving, hmmm?” They continue cataloguing Levi’s body. “Oh, your  _linea nigra_  is quite dark,” Hange informs him, pointing to the line that starts at his sternum and disappears into his pants down to his pubic hairline. “Bellybutton’s starting to pop too.”

“Don’t remind me,” Levi says, rolling his eyes. Of all the changes in his body, this is the one he dislikes the most. He can  _see_  the shape of his bellybutton through his shirt now. It’s disturbing.

“Oh hush, you look wonderful,” Hange says. They break out into a grin. “You’re really glowing.”

There must be some truth in it because Krista had said the same thing the other day, her cheeks rosy with embarrassment. She had been getting him some water during a training break and offered up the compliment with stuttering words. Levi had been caught off guard but had thanked her nonetheless. A compliment from one of his soldiers is a treasured thing, after all.

“Are you eating enough?” Hange asks, making some notes in their little notebook.

“Yes,” Levi says, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. Hange looks up though, catching it. “My squad keeps sacrificing bits of their meals to make sure I’m eating enough. Other section leaders must think I’m bullying them into feeding me their own portions.”

Hange bursts out into laughter, just as Levi knew they would. “That’s adorable!” they coo. “Goodness, Captain, you seem to have them enamored with you.” Levi sighs and blows a lock of hair out of his face. “Honestly, what  _is_  your secret? It took Moblit  _months_ to even smile at me.”

“You’re terrifying,” Levi points out, though one can argue that he’s just as terrifying, or maybe even more so. But Levi shrugs. “I don’t know. I listen to them. I understand where a lot of them are coming from. Maybe that’s it.” He starts to shrug his shirt on, one of Jean’s, who had noticed that Levi couldn’t even button his anymore. He had offered one of his extra ones, freshly laundered, and told Levi to just use it as he could request another one of the same size without anyone thinking it was odd. Levi had been touched.

“That’s also not your shirt,” Hange points out. Levi nods.

“The kids are looking out for me with this, too.”

“You could just tell Erwin. I’m sure he’d get you shirts that fit without it being too suspicious,” Hange suggests.

“I don’t want to talk to him,” Levi replies quickly. They’d had a meeting together with Zackly without discussing any ‘conditions’. They had been weighing pros and cons of checking out the situation at the border of Wall Rose before it crossed into land that had been protected by Wall Maria. Levi had been against it, but Erwin has a way of talking that can get most anyone on his side of things.

Levi has been avoiding him since.

“I promise he’s not trying to hurt you with this,” Hange says, sitting by him as Levi buttons up his shirt. He doesn’t look at them.

“Well, I’d love for him to tell me himself,” Levi replies. He pulls on his cloak, swathing it around him. Then he stops and sighs. “We’ve never gone this long in an argument,” Levi admits. “But this is more than just that, Hange.”

“I know it is,” Hange says to him. They squeeze his shoulder. “Like I said, I’m here if you need anything. Just say the word.”

“Still no way to get it out without killing me, is there?” Levi says, mostly joking. But Hange is quiet. He turns to them. “What did you find?”

“I’ve seen miscarriages around the six-month range,” Hange says, not meeting Levi’s eyes. “In another month or so, I would know approximately where it is. I could – I could remove it, if you wanted me to.” They look up at him, determined. “I don’t think it would be able to live outside of you, but that’s not the point. The point is – if you want it out of your body, then I think I can get it out of your body at that point. With minimal danger to you. Yes, there’s still risk of infection and internal bleeding, but, your survival rate would be closer to 70% if I’m very, very careful.” Then push up their glasses. “And I would be very, very careful.”

Levi… well, he feels ill, if he’s going to be honest with himself. He’s gotten so used to the idea of having this child, of actually getting to hold it in his arms at the end of all of this. He’s putting in so much effort and every time he thinks of Erwin not wanting it, his thoughts have been bitter and  _fuck off I’ll do this myself_ , but the truth is, he’s terrified to do this himself. He’s devastated that the man he loves wants nothing to do with their child. He feels that it would be just better to have it not exist at all than have a parent that despises it or sees it as a tool.

Had this been three months ago, Levi would have jumped on the chance to take it out. He’s known so many people who were pregnant but didn’t want to be and he has never judged them for terminating those pregnancies if they could. It’s their bodies; they can and should do what they want and what is best for them. But this plan depends on his fetus being developed enough to have an obvious location for removal. Levi doesn’t think he wants it gone that much, not when he can feel it moving, not when he had absentmindedly been flicking through names he liked or rubbing his stomach to try and soothe the damn thing.

Levi can’t do it. And more importantly, he doesn’t think he wants to.

“No,” Levi snaps. “No – I.” He stops and collects himself. “No,” he repeats. “Erwin might not want this but… I think I’m starting to.”

“Oh!” Hange says, hands over their mouths. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you  _had_  to. I was just thinking of our contingency plans and I realized… That’s definitely alright! I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“It’s fine,” Levi says, shaking his head. It feels like he’s wading through cotton and he doesn’t want to be touched. “I think I’m going to go lay down now, though.”

“Yes, of course!” Hange says, still afraid that they’ve done him wrong. He waves them off and makes his way to his room, only to stop at the door and backtrack down the stairs. He goes to the indoor training room where he knows his squad is working on body conditioning. They have the room for the afternoon and Levi sits in a corner and watches them, trying to calm himself. It’s a bit of an eyeopener for him, actually wanting to keep the damn kid of his own free will rather than because that’s the hand that fate has dealt him. Almost five months in, and this is where he’s gotten himself.

Watching his squad work is soothing, though, and Levi is able to relax. He rubs his calves and ankles as he catalogues their moves. Ymir and Bertholdt are sparring in a corner with Armin keeping track as he stretches. Jean and Mikasa are throwing weighted balls across the room and sprinting to pick them up and throw again. Eren is lifting weights with Connie and Reiner, while Sasha and Krista are doing yoga across from them. Levi is a bit concerned as to why Sasha can bend that way, but as long as she doesn’t hurt herself, he sees no issue. Though, if Mikasa stares any longer, Jean is going to beat her in their exercise, and that would be a first.

They don’t do much but nod and acknowledge him where he’s sitting. Levi thinks that the extra hormones running through his system are starting to get to him, though, because all he wants to do is wrap them all up in cotton and pillows to protect them from harm. But all of these young people have seen and fought titans. Mikasa herself has killed many, while the others have at the very least assisted or killed one or two of their own. Eren has been attacked and almost killed how many times now? Now is not the time for Levi to want to shield them from the horrors of their world; these kids have already seen them.

They break for dinner and Levi takes his upstairs in his room, asserting that he wants to be alone when Armin suggests they all accompany him. It works, and Levi sits in his room and eats quietly before turning in for the night. He stuffs his new pillows under his hips and between his legs, but it’s a bit hard to do alone, and still doesn’t feel right without someone pressed behind him.

* * *

 

His five-month mark rolls around a week later and Levi is still trying not to think of Hange’s offer to get rid of it. Sometimes, he’ll think it’s a good idea. Then the damn thing will move, and he’ll instantly feel horrified and swear to let nothing touch what his body conceals. At this point, he’s fairly certain he’ll keep it in the end, with or without Erwin, though the prospect of ‘without Erwin’ is a hard one to bear. It’s been two months of sleeping alone, seeing Erwin in meetings where they treat each other with cold cordiality, and missing him so much that it physically hurts.

At his five-and-a-half-month mark, the Scouting Legions gets permission to visit Wall Rose and the lands beyond it that were once protected by Wall Maria.

“What?” Levi says as Erwin tells the section commanders in a meeting. “We’re going to the Wall?”

“Yes, though you will not. Instead, you will remain here, guarding your charge,” Erwin says, tidying up his paperwork and standing. Everyone takes it as a sign that the meeting is over, and most people file out. It’s just Levi and Erwin left.

“This is just stupid,” Levi says. He wants to go, even though he knows he really can’t.

“I think you may be saying that because you’re not coming,” Erwin replies with calm.

“Be that as it may, I still don’t see the point. What are you gaining by going out there?” he asks.

“We need to see if the Wall is secure. There have been reports by the garrison stationed at Wall Rose that titans have been frequently bashing the walls. They’re starting to fear for the safety of the structures. We’ll make sure there are no breaches, fix any we find with Eren’s help, and then head back here.”

“You’re taking my squad?” Levi asks, even though he knows that’s a stupid question.  _Of course_  his squad is going, even though he is not. They’re the special forces squad and this is a special mission.

“I won’t let anything happen to them, Levi,” Erwin says, turning to him. The lines of his face have softened. “You have my word. I’d rather something ill befell me than them.”

“That’s not any better!” Levi yells. He clenches his fists and gets himself under control. Talk about an outburst. “I don’t want any of you hurt. And you can’t promise me that, so don’t try.”

“Levi,” Erwin sighs. Levi looks up at him. Erwin doesn’t continue.

“I miss you,” Levi says into the silence. Erwin’s eyes widen. “We need to talk.”

“I can’t tell you everything. Not yet,” Erwin says. It’s the same thing he’s repeated to Levi for almost three months. It’s getting old.

“What?” Levi demands. “When then? Never? Either get yourself together and treat me like an equal or don’t come back, then!” Levi yells. He pushes past Erwin and stomps away down the hall and into the mess. Coming in, he slams the doors back, getting everyone’s attention. It’s mostly just foot soldiers coming in to eat, the section commanders and leaders taking their meals to go so they can plan for the departure coming up in the next week. Levi spots his squad and marches over to them, sitting down at the table without getting food.

“Captain?” Mikasa asks. 

“Don’t,” he snaps. “Just eat and give me a moment.” Everyone exchanges looks with each other, but they listen to him and eat quietly. He’s glad to see that their table etiquette has greatly improved thanks to his nagging. At least they don’t all eat like animals anymore.

Levi takes a few minutes to breathe through his anger. He knows he’s just worried that everyone will be out there without him, one of the Scouting Legion’s best assets, if not  _the_  best asset. He doesn’t want these kids hurt, though he knows they are capable and can handle themselves. He doesn’t want Erwin hurt either, regardless of the grief the man has been giving him lately.

“You’re going to Wall Rose in a week,” Levi tells them with no warning. Everyone stops eating and looks at him, forks halfway to mouths full of chewed food. “Close your mouths,” he snaps and they all do. “I won’t be coming along.”

“Wait, wh-” Connie starts then stops at Krista’s look. “Oh. Oh, right.”

“For obvious reasons,” Levi emphasizes. “I don’t know who’ll be in charge of your squad, but my best guess is that Commander Smith will assign Mike to you. Nanaba can take care of their squad just fine.” Everyone nods. “I’m sure he’ll get a rundown of our formations and how to call them. Armin, Mikasa, as leaders of your sub-squads, I expect you to check in with him to make sure this is the case.”

“Yes, sir!” they both say with determined nods.

“I trust Mike; he’s second only to me, so if you ever have any concerns, go speak with him.” More nods.

“Wow, so he has a weird nose  _and_  he can fight? That’s so cool!” Connie says. Levi leads the assault of glares against him and Connie takes that as his cue to shut it.

“We have a week,” Levi continues and wants to scream that it’s not enough time. “We’ve been running drills for months. You all know your formations, but more importantly you know each other. Last time you went out there, you weren’t a unit like this. You have more training. I have complete faith in you all to perform to the utmost of your capabilities.” Everyone is eyeing him and no one is continuing to eat. Hell, he should probably eat, but he needs to get this all out. “It’s alright if your afraid; I’d be worried if you weren’t. But remember, your comrades have your backs.”

“Will we be training this week?” Ymir asks.

“We will. I want you all to think over it tonight and come to me tomorrow with areas that you’re nervous about executing. I don’t care if it’s standing in your stirrups and launching; we’ll do that as many times as it takes for you to be comfortable or until your legs give out. I want you as confident as possible when you go into that territory,” Levi tells them. He looks each of them in the eye and stops on Sasha. Hers are full of fear. “Sasha?”

“What if we start getting worried on the mission?” she says. The hand that has a fork in it is shaking.

“Look around the table,” Levi says. They all do. “Your comrades know what you’re capable of. I want you all to remember that. If you’re riding out and you have a worry, don’t keep it bottled up. Tell someone. And if one of your comrades tells you a worry, don’t dismiss it; assuage it. They’re worried about their slicing technique? Remind them of all the sliced-into dummies they left behind on the training field. They’re worried about tripping up a titan? Don’t forget to tell them of the time they tripped me without even meaning to. Someone’s worried about their damn horse running away? You better clarify with them that those beasts have been bred for  _decades_  to ignore titans and respond to your whistle.”

There’s something in Mikasa’s face, something that is strangely close to gratitude when he looks at her. She nods to him and he nods back.

“I don’t like not being with you all out there,” he admits to them. Around his squad, the tables are emptying, people heading to their barracks for the night. But they all stay where they’re sitting, listening to him. “I don’t like feeling helpless, but I trust you all. That’s what this squad needs to be built on, so don’t forget that.” They nod. Jean is squeezing Eren’s hand under the table and pressing his boot to Armin’s ankle. He nods to Mikasa, who has a hand on Sasha’s shoulder. Sasha gapes at Krista who has her shoulders draped in Ymir’s arm, and Ymir has a hand on Bertholdt’s back, bumping into Reiner’s where it’s in a similar position. Connie is squished beside Reiner, practically holding onto his arm.

“Who would you rather have leading our squad, if it can’t be you?” Armin asks.

“I would prefer Erwin,” Levi admits. Only Connie is surprised, but at this point, Levi is used to that. “He helped me develop the techniques and formations you all learned. He knows them best after me, maybe even better than me. But I can’t hope for that, not when he’s leading the damn expedition.” He rubs his forehead. “Finish eating so you can all go to bed.”

They get back to their food, but everyone finishes in silence. Even Connie has no smart words to say. It doesn’t take long for them to clean off their plates, the kitchen-duty squad already having gone. After that, they all loiter awkwardly in the mess as Armin badgers Levi into getting whatever’s left of the food, so he can have something in his stomach for the night.

What can Levi say, the kid reminds him of Erwin, so he’ll fold like a house of cards for now.

They follow him up to his room and then hover outside the door. Levi rolls his eyes and invites them in, but he wants them all gone in an hour, getting rest and thinking over what they want to work on. Tomorrow is go-time; no sitting around, no playing. They  _work_.

But for tonight, Sasha pulls out her cards and teaches him how to play that bluffing game. Everyone’s in a circle and Levi thinks to himself that this just isn’t fair. His face is a blank slate and he gets away with most bluffs because he can count cards and read these kids’ faces like the back of his hand. Mikasa is the only one who can trip him up, and even then it’s not always. He gets rid of all his cards first, with Mikasa at a close second and they sit on his bed and watch the rest of them struggle to get rid of their cards too. Connie ends up with a huge stack after calling a bluff that hadn’t been a bluff, and Krista takes the time to actually poke a little fun. It’s enough to get the whole lot of them laughing.

Armin is next to win, and he joins Levi and Mikasa’s silent party on the mattress. Except, he’s not silent, and starts going over things he wants to work on with the others, Mikasa joining in and giving her opinion. Levi appreciates that they’re doing this, especially when it looks like their comrades are having a good time and they could be too, but Levi understands that they need to do this to put their minds to rest.

“I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t hash this out now, sir,” Armin tells him. Mikasa nods and points to something in the notebook Armin has of notes on his squad. He’s been taking them since they started training as a unit.

The game goes on for another hour or so, but Levi doesn’t kick them out until they’re finished. He finishes eating and feels better for it, thanking Armin with a nod to his empty plate. The young man just shakes his head and waves it off. Levi appreciates him immensely. But sometimes he can’t look at the kid, because he’ll say or do something so like Erwin that it’ll feel like Levi was just burned.

Krista ends up the last person with all the cards, the real loser of the game. Connie comes at her with some revenge jokes that get put to rest by Ymir almost as soon as they start. But even they know when they may have overstayed their welcome, so they help Sasha collect all the cards and then say their goodnights. It leaves Levi alone in his room, laying on his back while his little minion swishes around like a mad-person inside of him, leaving him with no rest. He makes plans in his head and tries not to think of his last words to Erwin.

With a clearer head, Levi realizes he had told the man to either talk to him or die out on the field.

* * *

 

 The week leading up to the expedition is tense. He works his squad hard, but he knows they can handle it. When he’s not training them, Levi’s looking for Erwin, but it seems the tables have turned, and Erwin is now avoiding him. Levi can’t really blame the man, not after their last conversation. But the fact remains that Levi wants to apologize to Erwin, at least for that last comment. He hadn’t meant it, not like that.

But he never sees Erwin, and suddenly, it’s the night before the expedition and Levi is looking at ten young people that are all trying not to seem shaken or nervous about the coming morning.

“Bags packed?” he asks as he marches around their barracks. The door is closed, so Levi has his cloak off and his shirt sleeves rolled up, one hand resting under his stomach as he uses the other one to rub at spots around the room, searching for dust. He doesn’t find any and he feels a small swell of pride. It took them long enough to learn how to clean, but they did it.

“Yes, sir,” Armin answers for the rest of them, though Bertholdt and Ymir are nodding.

“Everyone clear on where you’re meeting up with Mike tomorrow in the formation?” Levi asks. He gets more nods. “You need to sleep tonight,” Levi continues. “I know it sounds a bit hard, but if you can manage it, you’ll thank me in the morning. If you can’t sleep for you, do it for your comrades. They need you to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning, so they know their backs are being watched.”

He leaves them with a wish of luck, knowing that once the door is closed again, they’ll switch around, so people are laying with whom they want to with no judgmental eye from him. Whatever works, Levi thinks. If they need to fall asleep in the arms of their lovers, then so be it. The clear-headedness they’ll gain from it in the morning will be part of what keeps them alive, and that’s really all Levi is asking for.

He just wants everyone to come back alive. Including his own idiot lover.

The next morning, Levi is up with his squad, hoping to get a look at Erwin before he leaves. He can’t find him at the head of the expedition, though. In fact, Hange is sitting in the spot usually occupied by the leader of the expedition. What the hell is going on now? Levi is getting tired of being out of the loop.

“Hange!” he calls, keeping his cloak wrapped around himself. The weather has cooled, and autumn is falling. As it is, Levi will be delivering at the start of the new year, so he shouldn’t be surprised at the passing of time. At least his cloak is now appropriate.

“Levi!” they call back waving to him. “We’re leaving in a few minutes. You shouldn’t be out here.”

“Where’s the Commander?” Levi asks them, cutting to the chase. Hange looks conflicted.

“He’s around here… somewhere,” Hange says, voice dropping to a whisper. Levi frowns and looks around, but he can’t see any sign of those broad shoulders, that golden hair. The fuck.

“Is this part of the Things No One Wants To Explain To Levi?” Levi asks with a sigh.

Hange grins. “The way you said that makes it sound all capitalized.”

“That was the point,” Levi admits with a shrug. “So, I’m not going to see him off.”

“Don’t think so,” Hange says, sparing him a pat on the head. He slaps their hand away and glares up at them. “He didn’t seem to think you wanted to, if I’m being honest.” They shrug. “I don’t know what spat you two had,  _again,_  but he told me to leave you alone and give you space. And to say goodbye last night, as you probably wouldn’t be here to send us all off.”

“He’s an idiot,” Levi spits, looking away.

“That’s what I said. He didn’t appreciate it,” Hange tells him. They sigh. “If I see him, I’ll let him know you were here.”

“Thank you. Be careful,” Levi says, taking a step out of the road. He can feel the tension building; they’re leaving soon.

“I always am!” Hange says, reining in their horse. Then they announce the expedition and the gates open. Levi watches them go with the others staying behind and the townspeople who have come all the way out for this. He stays until the gates get pulled shut and he’s just staring at mortar and stone.

“You’re never careful,” Levi finally says before turning around and heading back to the barracks.

It’s quiet, like he knew it would be, and there’s only a bare-minimum of staff to keep HQ clean and running. It’s just people from the garrison that have been loaned out to them, but Levi frowns when he sees a few MPs hanging around. Just to be safe, he goes through his, Erwin’s, and Hange’s offices to make sure nothing is standing out that shouldn’t be, in case the MPs try and poke around. Mostly, Levi wants to know why the hell they’re here in the first place.

He avoids them for the first few days, making a game out of it so he can keep his mind occupied and not obsessed with the expedition. But by day four, Levi gets irritated. The MPs have been following him around, or at least trying to. Levi hides out in his room and then in Erwin’s once the MPs start hanging around his. They’re looking for something, he realizes, or rather, someone. And it’s not Levi.

On day five, Nile sees him in a hall and calls his name. Levi frowns and waits for him to catch up. At this point, Nile would realize that it would be impossible for Levi  _not_  to have heard him, and therefore was just ignoring or avoiding him. Then he would throw a fit and it would be something else Levi would have to deal with. He makes sure his cloak is wrapped properly, baggy enough to not show anything. The damn kid is actually  _kicking him_  and it’s uncomfortable as fuck, but he keeps his face blank and stares Nile down as he comes closer.

Levi can’t help but think that this bastard gets to be incompetent and ruin Eren’s life, while all Levi’s friends and his squad are out risking theirs. He doesn’t have Hange or Mike to talk to about this. He doesn’t have the squad to complain at, because they can’t tell him to shut up. He doesn’t have Erwin to whisper to in the dark, their words staying in the space between their bodies. He doesn’t have anyone here and it’s a bit terrifying.

With a swift kick to his kidney that suddenly makes him want to go pee, Levi is reminded that he  _at least_  has the brat he’s growing himself.

“I heard it through the grapevine that you’re not doing your duty,” Nile says off the bat when he’s standing a foot from Levi. Even he knows not to get too close. Levi had punched him once, years ago when he had first joined the Scouts. Nile still remembers. Good.

“Oh, do you mean the men you keep sending to tail me told you that?” Levi says calmly, looking at his nails and picking at nonexistent muck. When he glances up, Nile looks caught out, but the man tries to hide it with a huff.

“Regardless of how I get my information, it still stands that you’re neglecting your duties,” Nile insists.

“Which duties are you speaking of?” Levi says with a sigh. He leans against the wall. “I have several, you know, unlike  _some people_.”

Nile squints at him but doesn’t take the bait. Too bad.

“You’re supposed to be guarding your charge,” Nile says.

“I am,” Levi responds. Jeez, they’d fed that lie to Nile to? Why did he have to be involved? Probably because he was butthurt that he didn’t have Eren anymore and demanded to be included in some way, now that Levi thinks about it.

“I haven’t seen you with him anywhere,” Nile counters. Levi frowns. Something is wrong.

“What do you mean?”

“Usually you and Erwin are at least around each other in the barracks, but I haven’t seen him in the past few days. What’s going on, Captain?” Nile demands.

Levi has all of three seconds to panic because Nile isn’t making sense but is also demanding an answer. Is he implying that  _Erwin_  is his charge? Why would Levi need to be guarding Erwin? And if Nile is demanding to know where Erwin is, that would mean that Erwin wasn’t supposed to be going on that expedition. But Levi is still confused – why would Erwin be banned from accompanying his own expedition?

He pushes that aside for now and focuses on saving Erwin’s hide. If the higherups had forbidden him from going on the expedition and he had gone anyway, he’ll have hell to pay when he comes back if Nile goes off running his mouth.

“Erwin is resting in a private room,” Levi says smoothly with a snort. “If your men were better at doing their jobs, then they would have spied him by now. I put him out of sight and out of danger. I saw your idiots stomping around and didn’t like the looks of them.”

Nile sputters. He can’t claim Levi is lying, because this is the Scouting Legion’s barracks and Levi would know about secret, private rooms that Nile wouldn’t know about. He has no proof that Erwin  _isn’t_ here and Levi isn’t going to give him proof.

“I demand to know where he is, then!” Nile says, actually stomping like a child.

“No,” Levi says easily with a shrug. “It’s none of your business. You’re not my superior officer, nor are you in charge of my duties. That falls on Erwin and myself. I already have all the orders that I need.” He stops and glares openly now. Nile takes a step back. “Why are you and your men here, anyway?”

“A few of the Military Police went on the expedition to make sure Erwin didn’t accompany them. Zackly seemed to think it was necessary to enforce his order that Erwin stay here. My men are here awaiting their comrades,” Nile says, trying to steer the conversation where he wants it to go. Levi frowns to himself, ignoring the man as he continues to babble. So, it’s a direct order from Zackly that Erwin stay in place, is it? Levi can’t figure out why.

“I’m going now,” Levi tells Nile, who splutters and tries to insist that he stay. He reaches a hand out to grab Levi, but Levi dodges out of the way and spits, “Don’t you  _dare_  put your filthy hands on me.” His face is blank as he says it, but he can feel his eyes widen with the threat. Nile snatches his hand back and mutters about refusal to cooperate under his breath. He can do and say what he wants. Levi knows who he is loyal to, regardless of their current spat, and it is  _not_  Nile.

Whatever is going on, Levi had almost been in danger of ruining it by not being in the loop. He resolves to demand answers from Erwin when he gets back from the expedition, regardless of the outcome.

It takes another day for the garrison on the wall to spot the expedition force coming back. Levi gets wind of it hours after they’ve been spotted in their spyglasses, so he figures they should be at the barracks soon enough.

But there are rumors floating around. Along with a handful of their people, a higher-ranking officer is dead.

Levi repeats to himself over and over that it can’t be Erwin, that if it were Erwin, people would be addressing the dead person by name. But then he remembers that Erwin wasn’t supposed to be out there in the first place. And if he had been killed in the line of duty, he would have been found in disguise and referred to as ‘another higher-ranking officer’. For the first time in almost two months, Levi throws up and it has nothing to do with his present condition.

He hears their forces before he sees them and goes running to the stables. They’re coming in droves, pulling carts of the dead and carrying things salvaged from ruined towns. Levi is looking for Erwin and looking for his squad. He catches sight of Mike and almost trips on his way over. The half-step he misses makes his heart hit his throat, but a strong hand on his elbow steadies him. He looks up to Mike’s face, ashen and splattered with dry blood, but the man seems none the worse for wear. They don’t say anything to each other, but he nods to the left and Levi thanks him and sprints off, more careful this time.

All ten members of his squad have returned.

Levi feels weak in the knees, but he forces himself to go over to their wagon. They have goods and Eren stowed in it. Eren is knocked out and still a bit steamy, the red lines on his body from his titan transformation still present. Levi isn’t sure what transpired, but a few of the kids have grim smiles on their faces, even as they side-eye the wagons full of the dead. Jean’s arm is in a sling, Bertholdt has a layer of bandages wrapped around his head, and Ymir’s ankle is splinted. But they’re all alive. That’s what counts.

“All good?” he calls. Mikasa turns and notices him first, poking Sasha in the ribs to get her attention. Sasha turns and gives Levi a good look at her blackened eyes, dried blood all around her nose and mouth. She must have been hit in the face.

“Captain!” Sasha squeals. It gets everyone looking over at Levi. Krista has a gash down the side of her face that will have to be stitched closed, and Reiner is holding his ribs like a few of them are cracked. The top of Connie’s head looks waxy and shiny, like he’s been burned. Mikasa is the only one who looks unscathed.

“What the fuck happened to you all?” Levi says with a straight face. No sense in them seeing how worried he had been. From the corner of his eye, Levi is still looking out for Erwin. He has to be here somewhere,  _he has to._

“Wall Rose was breeched just as we pulled in,” Mikasa says. Levi’s blood runs cold.

“What?” he asks.

“Eren fixed it!” Connie says with a smile that is equal parts tired as it is excited and relieved. “He turned into a titan and we all had his back. Bertholdt and I even took down a 10-meter titan!”

“The others started evacuating the area as Eren lifted pieces of the broken wall and plugged the hole,” Jean says. Levi looks at him and sees that he’s running his fingers through Eren’s hair as the other boy sleeps. “A few of them were trying to get in as he was fixing it.”

“So, Jean jumped over the wall and killed two of them alone,” Reiner says blandly. “Almost got himself killed, so Mikasa and I jumped in to help him. I got swatted.”

“We’ll have to get that looked at,” Bertholdt says beside him.

“You’re one to talk,” Reiner counters. “Look at your head lately?”

“Getting hit with falling debris is not the same as getting swatted into the wall by a titan!” Bertholdt says, raising his voice.

“Calm down, all of you!” Levi shouts. It quiets them and they look over. “ _Every one of you_  is getting looked over by our medical teams, is that clear?” He gets grudging nods, but they do nod. And then he realizes. “Where the hell is Armin?”

Their collective silence is not what he wants to hear.

“Um, sir, about that,” Krista starts.

“Well, where is he?” Levi demands. He hopes his voice isn’t hysterical. First Erwin now Armin.  _God no._

“He’s alive,” Mikasa says. She’s right by his side, still mounted on her horse. He hadn’t noticed that she had gotten so close. “But…” she trails off. “Sir, Mike wasn’t our squad leader.”

Levi looks up at her, trying not to glare. “Then who was?”

“Captain Levi sir!” Levi turns, and there’s Armin, coming up to him on horseback. He’s scratched and bruised but otherwise, he seems fine. That’s a relief. “I’ve been requested to bring you this missive.” He bends down and hands Levi a rolled-up piece of paper, tied up with a small string of leather.

“I want all of you to seek medical attention after checking in with Hange, is that clear?” They all nod and salute as best they can. He turns to go and stops, turning his head just enough that he can see Armin. “By the way, who’s the higher-ranking officer that died?” He feels sick to his stomach, is trying not to make it obvious that his gut is a knot of anxiety and anticipation right now. He gets a kick to the diaphragm that leaves him breathless and both Mikasa and Armin ride over in shock. “I’m fine. My question, soldiers.”

“It was one of the MPs, sir,” Mikasa says. “Commander Hange told them to stay toward the back of the line when the fighting broke out because they’d never had experience dealing with titans. One of them listened, the other didn’t. I think someone said he was the second in command to the commander of the Military Police.”

Nile’s right hand, then. And Levi may be a terrible person for this, but he’s so, so glad that it’s not Erwin.

“Alright. I’ll be off. I want a collective report in the next few days, is that clear?”

“Yes, sir!” they shout after him, and Levi goes.

Night is already falling by the time he gets somewhere with enough light to read his scroll of paper. On it are two words:  _The Room._  There’s nothing else on it, not even initials, but Levi would recognize Erwin’s writing anywhere.

He burns the slip of paper at the next lamp he finds and makes his way to Erwin’s room as fast as he can and away from all the ruckus. He’s not fast enough though, because Nile finds him and shouts him down. Levi doesn’t have time for this. He turns and waits for Nile to get closer.

“What?” he yells. The other man falters.

“Where’s Smith?” Nile hollers back.

“In his fucking room,” Levi snarls. “God, I’m sick of you, you jackass. Fucking follow me if you don’t believe me.” He doesn’t wait for Nile to respond, just stomps up to Erwin’s room, hoping he’s making enough noise and cussing Nile out by name loud enough that Erwin will hear them coming and prepare himself. He knocks on the door and announces them before walking in and is relieved to see that Erwin is in bed, the sheets pulled up to his chin. He’s on his side and it’s dark enough that all Levi can really make out is his face.

Erwin stirs slowly enough that even Levi would find it believable that he’s just waking up. He looks over at Levi and looks to be about to say something before he catches sight of a shaken Nile.

“Can I assist you with something, Nile?” Erwin says. He looks to Levi. “Ah, they must be back now.”

“They are,” Levi replies, trying not to let the relief at seeing Erwin alive bleed into his voice.

“Very good. Your squad?” he asks.

“Alive,” Levi says, though he’s starting to suspect that Erwin had made sure of that.

“Wonderful. Nile?” Erwin says, addressing the man again.

“Nothing,” Nile says. “I have an officer’s funeral to arrange.” He turns on his heel and starts to leave, knowing full well that he’s lost whatever battle they had been raging against each other.

“I’m deeply sorry for your loss,” Erwin calls after him. But Nile growls and slams the door behind him.

The room is silent for a whole minute before Levi begins to aggressively light lamps all around them, making sure the curtain is closed to avoid being seen from the outside. By the time he finishes lighting all the lamps, even the ones in sconces on the walls, Erwin is sitting up, trying not to wince. He’s still in his uniform, though it seems he had enough presence of mind to ditch his equipment beforehand.

“You idiot,” Levi says standing in front of where Erwin is now sitting on the bed. “You could have at least let me know you weren’t supposed to go, for whatever fucking reason Zackly ordered you not to. Nile almost sniffed out that you were gone, because apparently I was supposed to be watching you and was not informed.”

“I knew you could handle it,” Erwin says softly.

“Yes, but I would like to have been  _asked_  to handle it, for once,” Levi says, still angry. “What the hell Erwin?”

Erwin doesn’t say anything, just pulls out a scroll from his cloak. He hands it to Levi. Levi can see how tired Erwin is. He must have hurt himself somewhere on his body, because he’s holding himself a little awkwardly. Either that or he’s just sore, which is possible as well. But Levi takes the scroll, opens it, and starts to read. Basically, it’s a letter from Zackly, giving Erwin express permission to continue the pregnancy experiment up until it’s natural end with no consequences against him. It seems Zackly had taken Erwin’s ‘compliancy’ with his order to stay behind on the expedition as enough to trust that Erwin was serious about his new course of action. Apparently, Hange is now in charge of the operation, and both they and Erwin have full control of it without Zackly needing to be directly involved any longer. Of course, the old stipulation of keeping Zackly informed of progress still stands, but besides that, it seems like they’ll be left alone.

Levi is confused.

“But you went on the expedition,” he whispers, in case Nile hasn’t given up on his vendetta yet.

“Well, Zackly doesn’t know that. And he’s already issued this, so I’m not worried. Also, it’s not like Nile has any proof to the contrary,” Erwin responds with a shrug. He stretches, then rubs his left shoulder.

“I could turn you in,” Levi muses, rolling the damn scroll back up and tossing it onto Erwin’s desk.

“You could,” Erwin acknowledges. Thankfully, he doesn’t say,  _But you won’t_ , even though he would be correct. Levi would have been tempted to test Erwin’s trust in him if he had.

“I still don’t understand what this means,” Levi says, arms crossed over his stomach. Almost six months pregnant. He feels like what he imagines a whale to look like.

“It means that I can finally explain some things to you,” Erwin says, hands braced on his knees. When he looks up, he sits back a bit at the look on Levi’s face.

“You’re meaning to tell me that you’ve been waiting for a fucking scrap of paper from a man neither of us even respects this whole time?” Levi snaps. “I thought you could have been  _dead_ , Erwin. And the last thing I told you was to talk to me or  _be dead_ ,” Levi says, horrified that his voice is cracking. “It’s been almost three months of this and this is what does it for you? Not me begging you to trust me, not me being gone from your life, but  _this?_ ” Levi feels pretty cheap.

“May I explain?” Erwin says, still so calm and together. It’s enough to make Levi snap.

“No, you may  _not_ explain,” Levi says, stalking toward him. “I’ve spent months suffering for this. Do you know what’s been going through my mind?”

“I can only imagine,” Erwin admits.

“Oh really?” Levi asks. “Imagine this, then: I’ve been trying to figure out if I even  _want_  this damn kid because of you.” Erwin frowns, eyes wide. “Yeah, shithead. Hange has made some pretty enticing offers, and I keep going back to, ‘this asswipe doesn’t even  _want_  our shared child’. It’s not my fault this happened, Erwin, and I know it’s not yours either. But that doesn’t mean I condone you wanting to use your own offspring and my body as a tool to save humanity. Neither of us are disposable.” Levi has one hand on his stomach while the other is gesturing. He swears he sees red. “I’ve been out of my fucking mind,” Levi says in practically a whisper, looking down at his protruding belly. “And fine, I’ll say it, because I’m desperate and I just want an explanation of some kind and I don’t want to be alone in this – so maybe this will convince you, if nothing else will.” He looks up, eyes wide and red-rimmed. He hates trying not to cry. “I love you, Erwin Smith. I never thought we had to say it to each other, but it seems I’ve fallen farther than you have, and we’ve come to the point where it’s necessary. Are you happy now? You have me completely, and you’ve thrown me to the side. Do you even fucking  _care_?”

Erwin is very, very quiet. His face is blank and it’s so eerie.

Levi is about to scream again when Erwin says, “I see I’ve made a grave mistake.” Seven words. That’s all it takes to break Levi’s heart. Seven fucking words. And he gets called a mistake on top of it all.

“You can go right the fuck to hel-”

“I told Zackly I was the one who was pregnant,” Erwin continues.

Levi can’t breathe. “What.”

“I tried to keep it anonymous, but Zackly wanted a face. So, I gave him my face. I told him that you would protect me and the child, and he agreed that you would be enough protection. Hange was able to convince him that all the samples they had compared were mine. After the meeting, Eren put together that the symptoms I was speaking of were yours, not mine, and we swore him to secrecy as well.” Erwin is staring at the wall. There’s a struggle on his face. Levi can see that Erwin is half-convinced he did the right thing. But a flash of self-loathing goes across his face because Erwin hates that he’s done this to Levi. And the worst part is that Levi is justified in feeling the way he does.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Levi gasps.

“A good captain who was not involved in his Commanding Officer's societal debauchery would be upset with said CO’s behavior and let others know of it,” Erwin answers easily enough.

“You  _wanted_  me to be angry with you,” Levi says, blinking away tears of frustration. This man is so, so stupid. “To make them believe it was you.”

“Yes, I wanted you to be angry with me.”

“But also because you felt like you needed to be punished for lying to me,” Levi guesses. Erwin opens his mouth to deny it but thinks better of it. Levi would be able to see through the lie, anyway.

“You were protected from the scrutiny of society and could carrying the child in peace. I asked Hange to keep it from you as well for the same purpose. The less you knew, the less reason anyone would have to suspect you,” Erwin continues. “In order to protect you, I had to hurt you. And I…” He clears his throat and finally looks to the side. “I apologize, from the depths of my soul I apologize.”

“What the fuck about using the kid for humanity or science or whatever?” Levi insists. “You talk about it as though they’re just mine. This child is half yours Erwin, and if you’re not happy about that, I can’t really do anything about it. But I  _hate_ that this is all they mean to you. Because whether or not we planned it, we made them through an act of - well, on  _my_  part of love, and...”

Erwin has the audacity to laugh. Levi is pissed, maybe less than he was now that he knows the truth, but still. Fuck off.

“I gave up all thoughts of my own children when things ended between me and Marie,” Erwin says. It’s unexpected. Levi closes his mouth and listens. “I came to peace with that years ago. And then I met you.” He looks up and there’s so much fondness on Erwin’s face, even though his eyes look glassy with unshed tears. “I thought, if we live through this, we’ll take in as many children who have no families. We’ll raise them as our own.” Levi feels something hitch in his chest. He had had a similar dream before this thing started growing in him. “Levi, I understand that I’ve hurt you. I understand that you don’t wish to be around me. I may have had good intentions, but I took great steps in hurting you to fulfill these intentions. That is unforgivable.”

“You could have just  _told_  me,” Levi insists. “I would have acted.”

“I could tell you were out to kill me the moment I met you, all that time ago. You’re not the best actor, my love.” Levi freezes at the pet-name and Erwin back tracks. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“I thought you didn’t want this, us,” Levi says, feeling something break in him. The tears are falling down his face and he can’t stop them. “I thought you didn’t love me.” His fists are clenched. He sees the big picture now. He understands why Erwin did it though he doesn’t agree with its execution. Now that Zackly has agreed to leave them alone to do this by themselves, he sees why Erwin is comfortable telling him. If Zackly had found out Erwin was lying, he’d have taken Levi and Eren, turned them both in to the MPs, and left them to do what they would. Which would mean killing Eren, Levi,  _and_  their unborn child.

Levi feels a chill run down his spine. There had been so much on the line and he hadn’t even known. He’s mad, but not as mad as he was.

“ _Of course_ I want you,” Erwin says, eye bright and full of fire. There’s a growl to his voice. Levi is simultaneously shocked and turned on. “I’ve done all of this because I want you. Because you’re all I want and I cannot  _stand_  the thought of someone like Nile or Zackly taking you away from me.” He stands and puts his hands on Levi’s shoulders gripping them. “I understand if you’re done with me; that’s fair. I’ve been unforgivable. But I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you walk away from here thinking that I don’t want this. I want you and that child.” He lets go and takes a step back, almost ashamed at his outburst. “But I respect your decision to walk away from this. Now that you know. I don’t want you to come back to me because I’ve told you the truth. I want you to come back to me because  _you still want me_.”

Levi still has a few things to pull together before he makes up his mind. “So Zackly banned you from the expedition because he thought you were pregnant.”

“Yes.”

“And you went anyway to lead my squad,” Levi continues. Erwin looks up at him in surprise.

“They told you?” he asks. He must have sworn them all to secrecy too. This man and his secrets. They’d kill him, one day.

“No,” Levi admits, trying not to grin. Finally, he’d one-upped Erwin Smith. “But I assumed so after I saw you, and Mikasa told me Mike didn’t lead the squad. Also, you gave Armin a missive for me. How else would you do that if you weren’t with them, secretly hiding away and leading them when you were supposed to be here? You did that for me, because I was worried. I’m not stupid.” He frowns. “If you had been caught, they would have thrown you in jail and then killed you along with the rest of us.”

“I trust your squad,” Erwin says. “You told me you trusted them enough to tell them about the child, so I trust them implicitly as well.”

Levi’s anger is… well, it’s starting to go. Especially because his real beef with Erwin had been about Erwin not wanting their baby. But he wants the baby. He had done all of this bullshit  _because_  he wants the baby. Levi hates that man’s devious mind sometimes.

“If I hadn’t wanted to keep this child,” Levi starts. But Erwin stops him.

“Then you wouldn’t keep it,” Erwin says firmly. “I would never force you to. You can still choose not to, Levi. If that’s your wish, I’ll work as hard as I can to protect you from the military and Hange will find a way to do it safely.” He puts a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Please, believe me.”

“I do,” Levi says because it’s true; he does. He knows Erwin. Not knowing he was lying had never been the problem; Levi had known he was being lied to, he just didn’t know what about. And now that he knows… God, he has the patience and tolerance of a saint, doesn’t he? “What about the research Hange has to do?” he asks.

Erwin actually looks confused before his eyes go wide and he looks away in… embarrassment?

“They’re not actually doing any research. The plan is that they make up data and send those to Zackly, while making sure you’re actually healthy. Upon the delivery of the child, we will hide them away and Hange will string together some titan-esque monstrosity and claim it came out of me. That should be enough for Zackly to disband this whole mess and forbid us from trying anything with Eren’s blood.”

“So you just… made it all up?” Levi yelps. “If you had gotten caught – hell, if you  _still_ get caught, they’ll kill you.” That would put the whole Legion in danger. Sure, Hange would just pick up the helm, but what about Levi? What the hell is he supposed to do without this man?

“You saw what Zackly wrote. I’ve proven myself to him. He knows he won’t get any trouble with me. And this is already hush-hush, Levi. No one else knows why you’ve been assigned as my protection or why I’m not allowed on missions anymore. When the time comes, we’ll say that a child of a relative of yours – a close relation of your vibrant Uncle Kenny, perhaps? – has surfaced and you are taking custody of them. Of course, I’m your Commander, so I’ll assist. The child will be safe.” He looks down at his hands and squeezes them closed. “If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll protect you both with my life.”

“You can’t put us above humanity,” Levi says softly. None of them can do that.

“Well, it’s mostly just putting you above our terrible government,” Erwin says with a sharkish smile. “And I feel no guilt in that.”

The room is so quiet. Levi has had all his questions answered, just like he wanted. He’s not guilty for being mad, because Erwin is right; he has all the right to be mad. But how long does he really want to drag this out for? Erwin’s life is still on the line, and it will be until Levi gives birth. Hell, maybe even after that. And no, Levi doesn’t owe this man anything, he knows that. But he does love him. He loves him very, very much – a stupid amount, really. That’s why this had all been so upsetting. But Erwin wants this, he wants Levi, and he wants their child. He’s ready to let Levi walk away and continue protecting him because –

Well, actually. Maybe Levi has one more question left.

“Why do all this?” Levi asks, unable to look Erwin in the face as he fishes for answers. “You could have – well, you literally could have done  _anything_  else. You didn’t have to go this far. You didn’t have to hurt the both of us. You could have just… left it alone. Left me alone.”

“Why would I do  _that_?” Erwin asks. “Do you think so little of me, as to think that I wouldn’t try to protect the man I love?”

There it is. What Levi supposes he had really been looking for. He had all the proof in front of him, but he’d already put his stupid heart on the line, so it’s only fair that Erwin had to as well.

“I think I stated this earlier, but I wasn’t too sure you were actually in love with me,” Levi says, trying to sound bland, but instead, his voice just comes out too tight. “Will you really let me walk away from you if I choose to?”

“In a heartbeat,” Erwin responds. His voice is heavy and full of deep-seated sadness, but he means it. “I won’t force you to stay with me. Just…” He trails off and when Levi looks up, his eyes are closed. “Just please, all I ask is you follow the plan that I’ve already set in motion. Now that I’ve gotten Zackly to leave us be, only obvious deviations will reattract his attention. I ask that for your safety and the safety of our child, you just follow through with what I’ve laid out.”

Levi swallows hard and then clears his throat. “Say it again.”

Erwin frowns. “The plan?” He looks heartbroken, but he pushes through the oncoming grief and tries to do as Levi has asked. Levi lets him wallow in pain for a bit because he had been feeling like that too and he thinks it’s only fair that Erwin has to suffer a bit. Though he’s sure Erwin has been suffering already, thinking Levi would never want to be with him after pulling a stunt like this. “Right. The plan. All I need you to do now is-”

“No, you moron,” Levi says cutting him off. Ok. Maybe he’s a bit weak and realizes that yes, Erwin really  _has_ been thinking through this whole conversation that Levi will be leaving him by the end of it. “Not that.”

“I don’t think I follow, Levi,” Erwin whispers, looking at his boots. He probably wants to be alone right now. Tough shit, Levi thinks.

“Say you love me again,” Levi insists. “Call this fucking parasite inside of me ‘our child’ again. I like how it sounds leaving your mouth.” Levi tries to be nonchalant, but his voice is quivering and he’s wiping some tears from his face.

Erwin’s head snaps up like he’s spotted a titan that’s far too close to them. “Pardon?”

“I said,” Levi starts again, exasperated, “I want you to tell me you lo-”

“I love you,” Erwin blurts, standing up. “Believe that, if nothing else. I want you and our child. I love you, of course I love you. Have you seen yourself?” Erwin has a smile breaking out on his face now. The light is reflecting back in his eyes. He’s getting giddy as he realizes what this means.

“Honestly? Lately, no, I haven’t seen myself. I’m huge though. All I can see is my stomach when I look down at my feet,” Levi admits. Erwin laughs, loud and joyous, like bells ringing. He starts to kick off his boots, slides out of his dirty pants and shirt, strips off his cloak. He helps Levi out of his cloak as well and stops and stares at the sight of him in a shirt that’s starting to get too small again.

“Whose shirt is this?” he asks, plucking it with a finger before he starts to unbutton it.

“Reiner’s,” Levi admits with a shrug. He had rolled the sleeves all the way up just for his hands to be visible. He had more often than not been keeping his arms under his cloak, because that look was just ugly. “Mine don’t fit, and Jean’s stopped fitting a few weeks ago too. Reiner’s was the only one that actually fit around my middle.”

Erwin laughs. “I’ll have to thank your squad for watching out for you,” he says. His voice goes soft. He stops unbuttoning Levi’s shirt and just stands there in his underwear. “Levi, I’m-” He clears his throat. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Levi murmurs, pressing close to him. He can’t get  _that_  close, because his stomach is between them, but he can still press the side of his face to Erwin’s bare, bruised chest. “Can we stop fighting now? This has gone on for far too long and I just – I just want to lay down with you. Can we do that? It’s done. I’m done with it. I want to move on from this. I want to just be with you. Alright? I love you, too, idiot.”

Erwin presses a kiss to Levi’s head and wraps his arms around him. They stand there for a moment, but then the damn kid gets irritated at the silence and slams its foot (maybe its hand?) into the back of Levi’s bellybutton. Erwin actually shouts and jumps back.

“You felt that?” Levi asks, clutching his sides as he laughs. It’s the most undignified sound he’s heard come out of Erwin’s mouth to date.

“Did … was that a kick?” he asks, voice full of wonder.

“Yes,” Levi replies, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. “Wanna see?” Erwin nods and helps Levi get out of his shirt and pants. He hops onto the bed and starts rearranging the pillows around Levi so that Levi’s back doesn’t hurt. For the first time in months, Levi feels no pain lying down on his back.

“Where?” Erwin asks, but then his next words falter as he gets a good look at Levi under the lamplight.

“What?” Levi demands, starting to tug the covers up over him, but Erwin puts a hand to Levi’s arm and stops him.

Levi’s stomach slopes out, round and smooth, with the skin pulled taught across it. On his sides are angry reddish-purple stretch marks, his skin unaccustomed to being stretched like this. The skin is dry there, and across his belly as well. The dark line down his stomach breaks through the hair and disappears into his underwear. It stops right at the curls of pubic hair above his dick. His chest has softened and is no longer hard muscle, but round fattiness instead. His nipples are darker and slightly puffy around his areolas. Occasionally, they’ll swell painfully, and he’ll knead them a bit to ease the ache. He lactates a little on those days, his shirt sporting twin spots of wetness at chest height. He’s thankful for his cloak more than ever when that happens. It’s a bit embarrassing, his body doing things he never asked it to do.

But Erwin is looking at him like he’s carved from gold and inlaid with precious stones.

“Can I help you with something?” Levi snarks, but only because he’s feeling self-conscious.

“Your beautiful,” Erwin says, looking up at him with the softest look on his face.  “You’re – you’re gorgeous. Hange was right; I missed so much while scheming.”

“Well, we’re relatively safe now, so no matter how stupid your scheming was, it worked well enough,” Levi responds. “We’re gonna stop bringing it up, right? We’ve talked this shit to death. There’s nothing else to say about it.”

“I know.” Erwin gets up. “Wait a moment, please.” He runs over to his discarded pants and fishes around in one of the belts attached to it that has a pouch on the side. He pulls something out of it and comes back to bed. In his hand is a tub of ointment. When he opens it, Levi smells lavender and lemon, and it looks creamy like shea butter. It must have been expensive and rare. There’s another scent that he can’t place, but he thinks it makes the whole thing oily.

“What is that?” Levi asks, shifting to look. Erwin gets closer to him so he doesn’t have to move. Levi has missed having this body so close to his. Erwin is all warm skin and muscle, even as bruises and cuts cover his body. Levi feels safe.

“I found it in one of the shops that got destroyed by the wall,” Erwin says. “It was an apothecary and I thought it wise to search it. There were medicines for our troops, but I also found this. The label said it was perfect for soothing skin, especially for those expecting.” He gestures to Levi’s taut belly, the angry marks on his sides, and the dry skin making him itchy and sore. “May I?”

Levi can’t speak, just nods, and watches as Erwin scoops the cream onto his fingers. It’s slippery like butter and feels blissfully cool against his skin as Erwin rubs it into his driest places. Levi can’t help the little moans of relief that escape his mouth. Erwin is gentle but firm as he rubs the ointment into Levi’s skin. It’s enough to wake the curiosity of their little one. Erwin presses near Levi’s side and a small foot presses back. There’s still surprise on his face, but it’s also overcome by awe. The smile that slowly unfurls on his lips makes Levi melt inside, and Erwin plays a game of tag with the little being growing inside of him.

By the end, Levi’s skin is soft and soothed, though his insides are a bit sore from the baby slapping him all over the place. A thought comes to him and Levi smacks his forehead. Erwin looks up in concern, brows furrowed as he wipes his hands on his chest and puts the tub of ointment on the nightstand.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. “Have I hurt you?”

“No,” Levi assures him. Erwin relaxes. “It’s just, I promised my squad they would be the first to know when others could feel the child’s movement through my skin.” Levi smiles. “And here I am, indulging you instead.”

“Well, someone had to help you discover it, so I think your promise will still be kept,” Erwin counters. He lays beside Levi, spooning up to his side with a hand resting on the swell of his stomach. They lay in silence. Then Erwin says, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Levi snorts, running a hand through Erwin’s hair. He’s missed this, and he is so, so thankful that he has this again.

“For staying,” Erwin replies, his words muffled where he speaks them into the skin of Levi’s shoulder.

“There’s no one else I’d rather stay with,” Levi admits. “I’m just glad you want me to stay.”

“I will  _always_  want you to stay,” Erwin says, and he says it like a promise. Levi knows it’s a promise he will never break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Please have patience and hold tight for the last one, kay? Thanks.


End file.
